His Concrete Lips by Mieko

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Submission Name: His Concrete Lips dots

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Author:	Mieko
Elite Ratio:	4.11 - 253/192/87
Words:	109

Class/Type:	Poetry/Nostalgia
Total Views:	128
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	726

Description:
...

His Concrete Lips dots

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His Concrete Lips...
A lingering girl, tracing his chin with her fingers
Like a statue, he won't even move
She can feel him but he dosen't feel her

The Body is a temple, but it dosen't usually act like one
Where has his heart gone?

She'd touch him hesitantly...
As if nothing had changed,
Alas! This man had turned to stone! Petrified...

A glint in her eye...
Painful.

She longed for him to move and touch her...
Again;
The way that it used to be when he wasn't frozen.
If she'd left his side, maybe she'd find-
Someone who wasn't turned to stone.

Submitted on 2008-02-04 02:02:41 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Great Job!!!
This write to me describes someone who is deeply in Love with another but sadly this other person cant or dosent know how to return this deep Love
Some People such as myself are afraid of Love as in a relationship
Its not that they dont Love You in return its just that they just do not know how to
I saw a Lot of myself in this write
I Thank You for sharing this

Please keep in touch!!!
Ive missed hearing from you
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2008-06-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Personally, this is the best one I've commented on today. I loved the imagining in this poem. It spoke of a story deep within the poem and it even had a little anti-transendentalism in there with the fact that you don't find out if the girl does move aside to find someone who isn't stone or if she stays with the one who is. Very good. I look forward to reading more of your works.
| Posted on 2008-04-10 00:00:00 | by BeautifulSoul | [ Reply to This ]
  I really get this one. A love grown cold is the worst love of all, in my opinion. I like how you express that here. The stone/concrete image suits it well. Also, one can feel the longing burning inside the heart of this person. Nice work!
| Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey

It is kind of sad poem. I really did like the feeling of the poem. It is more like a story to me. I think you have done a good job here, it is a well written poem.

Sanam
| Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
  hey
i like that its kinda abstract, a story under a story, or so it seems to me. watch the spelling of "doesn't" you've got it mixed up a couple of times, that happens. but yeah. i like it, nice work.
Regards, Kalinda
| Posted on 2008-02-04 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]
  Huh. I am unsure what this poem was about. Do you think that you could maybe explain, and then I'll critique it?

Duv
| Posted on 2008-02-04 00:00:00 | by Draumrkopa | [ Reply to This ]

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