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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Fears... My. Secrets..dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    18/F/Oh
    Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 295/221/111
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 106
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 710



    Description:
       An older poem of mine i never posted... was never finished.. so I added to it changed it up a bit


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Fears... My. Secrets..dots
    -------------------------------------------


    My fears accumulate
    my secrets only deepen
    To such an extent, you could not imagine
    My fears only grow
    as my secrets become darker

    The nights grow longer
    The air becomes colder

    The darker the night becomes
    More intense my fears
    The more I feel I am on a spiral downward direction

    Secrets never decrease simply increase
    All I can do is keep living this life I have built for myself.

    I cannot allow the disturbance
    Of my darkened secrets
    Or have my fears overwhelm my sense of judgment.

    I simply have to take One Day At A Time...
    One Step At A Time.




    Submitted on 2008-02-04 08:06:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The first ten lines are really great; you may need to add some similes to the first stanza but it still great.
    The rest of the poem is –for me– out of the mood of the poem. In my own opinion they need to be replaced with lines in the mood.
    You made a very good pun by the words "dark and darkness"
    If that was really your first poem, that is mean that you are really talent
    | Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by Duke Medhat | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, first off "the darker it the night becomes" threw me. I didn't get what "it" was so you might want to go back on that.
    I mix of hope, almost desperation is appreciated but, somehow I don't catch myself feeling this, connecting with it. That's just my opinion and of course, my life is going kinda okay so maybe that's part of it.
    I don't know...I know it's one of your older poems you haven't finished, but I think you should try and complete it sometime...I think maybe the ideas would work better with a little revising.
    pursuitoflfie
    | Posted on 2008-02-04 00:00:00 | by Pursuitoflife | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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