untitled by Tradia

June 17,1859

It is dark outside and I sure can hear those darkies singing and going on in their racket that the decent folk can’t sleep. Then Father goes outside and the darkies sing no more. My nigger Sally snores softly on the other side of the room. Her pallet is turned towards the wall and she is hunched up . I heard the wind then and the rain falls softly. The world is at peace.

December 9,1859

Mother is in pains and I go see her. Her nigger Nana Martha sits stitching carefully at her side and Mamma rubs her belly thinking that maybe it was something she ate. I kiss her hand. We pray and then I go.
My older sister Kathleen came in the morning to my room and told me that she was going to marry that nice fellow from the Oliver plantation. I saw him ride in yesterday with his hat askew and Papa let him have a few minutes alone with Kathleen where the fellow promptly kissed her hand and Kathleen giggled.
Then papa came in and the two lovers did not have any more time alone.

December 17, 1859

It is my birthday and Mamma told the darkies to make me a cake and we drank lemonade and Papa let me drink some of the fine wine he has in his cellar. He says that today I turned into a woman. I think I’m only sixteen and no woman. We had some music in the parlor and sally gave me a charm to ward off the evil spirits. I keep under my bed and hope Nana Martha does not find it or she will tell mamma. It is late I must go to bed.

December 4,1860

Secession. South Carolina, my papa done told me yesterday, is going to secede from the union. He says that Georgia will too. They want to take our darkies away and give them rights and so on. I do not see why they need to vote and read or something like that. Sally is happy and we do not whip her only when she gets imprudent. I heard my brother saying that we will fight for our rights and that the Abraham Lincoln and that woman Stowe should not be getting between our property and us.

May 8,1861

We are at war.
Father is gone and the fellow from the Oliver plantation, Robert, is gone and he is engaged to Kathleen.
Scarlet came to live with us because she was the only woman at the Belle fleur plantation. Her father is my mother’s fifth cousin twice removed so she is my cousin and is okay that she is here. My brother has been sweet on her but Scarlet only smiles and waits for him to get more serious.
My brother is also gone to fight for our new country. The darkies in one plantation yonder by the marshes got rebellious and murdered his owners. We are afraid ours will do the same but we have to trust God that our righteous cause will win.

May 15, 1863

I had news from my father two days ago that we were winning. We celebrated with only a bit of wine and two fried chickens. Scarlet seems more withdrawn and I go to her room. She cries and says that my brother done send her a letter saying that he did not want to marry her no more. I read it and see that my brother done gone ahead and made a fool of poor Scarlet. I continued reading and find out that he has his leg shot off and that he is coming home. He does not want to.

July 19,1865

We are weary. We are defeated. Our fields lay burning and our slaves are gone. Our silver has been taken by the soldiers and Kathleen has been raped. I saw her struggle against the drunken man and then…then Kathleen sat against the stairs and watched them go. Then Scarlet came out of hiding and took her upstairs where everything was destroyed. Our linen was burned and we have nothing. Actually we do have something. I have secret. I stole everyone’s jewels and some of the silver and some of the gold and buried it where no one would find it. I Will take it out when we need it.
Mother died and so did father during the war. My brother came limping a few days ago and screamed and shouted unable to do anything to the soldier who took the cattle and the pigs away. Then the man shot him. Me and Kathleen and Scarlet are all alone. We sit outside peeling painfully the yams that we were able to hide and look desolately to the greatness that now lays under rubble and soot. My dresses are torn at the hem and my hair unwashed has begun to itch.

That was where her diary ended and her new life began from the wide eyed impressionable girl to the woman who had to become strong if she wanted to keep her land. Sophia stood then from the quiet place near the tree and walked away from Scarlet and Kathleen. She raised her skirts to her ankles and walked towards the white house, now brownish and black in places from the soot. The first impression she wanted to give the world was that she could everything and anything but then she turned towards scarlet and Kathleen and noticed the dark bags under their eyes. Kathleen was pregnant. They all knew it but no one wanted to say it and the gloom fell over them like a blanket that suffocated the life out of them. Her belly was increasing as the days went by and Kathleen was panicky. She did not want to have the child…it was something ugly that would remind her everyday of her disgrace. Scarlet silently glided behind her and Sophia clutched herself miserably.
“We have nothing to eat Scarlet. I did not tell Kathleen but everything. Everything is gone…the crops were destroyed ..I do not know what to do anymore…I want to scream horribly but my throat gets clogged up” She stumbled and scarlet grabbed her arm and steadied her.
“I know...I know and I feel the same way...I had some of my money hidden beneath the plum tree and let us go look for it” That reminded Sophia of her stash underneath the mulberry tree. They spent all day digging with their hands and nails and when dusk fell they had it. They smiled to each other. It was not happy but a smile of someone who knows the end is near but every time they find a way to stop it they feel as if the world had opened up. They sold the silver and jewels at a low price that enraged Sophia. She however was a woman and because of that she could do nothing about it. Her smile decreased as time wore on until all she could do was frown and work. Her hands were rough far from being the soft hands of a lady. Her dresses were torn and soiled and Kathleen kept growing in size. Well only the middle grew...but everything else became gaunt and sunken. Scarlet tried to make her feel something for the child but in the end when Kathleen had her baby she killed herself afterwards leaving them shocked. The woman was buried underneath the mulberry tree and Sophia cursed everything that came near her. She was young…barely twenty two but she felt as if she had lived a lifetime. And then life gave her hope….At first she had thought it was another curse and that fate was being specially cruel to her but as time wore on she found otherwise. The other chance came in form of a man… one who in the war must have been her enemy even tough she did not know him…but when he came claiming her lands she found out how badly she could hate. And how badly she could love
Scarlet seemed defeated when she followed after the man. She felt strangely calm tough as if what she had done had been quite wise. She was tired of fighting and crying and she just wanted to lay her head back and sleep. Sally on the other hand proudly followed the man telling Scarlet that “knew that she was free since forever…She just liked to be nice to the white people”
Meanwhile Sophia heard the words coming out of his mouth and shivered. She did not want to ride with him. She did not want to leave the Magnolia. She wanted to stay here and raise the land and keep it like her dear papa had done long ago. She wanted to cry, but she had stopped crying when her brother died and she had told herself that tears were not helpful and only caused problems. But most of all she wanted to turn around and hit the man for his arrogant ways. He had just appeared here but a few minutes ago and yet he had taken control of everything. She hated men. She hated soldiers and she hated the damn war that only brought her troubles. And most of all she hated being a woman. Had she been a man she would have stood her ground and to hell with the damnable man. She however turned and followed after him. The sun was not as shiny as before and the plough was left there forgotten. Under the mulberry tree Kathleen lay and with her the promises of Sophia.
Rachel was tiny and pretty and Sophia loved her beyond comprehension, but somehow Scarlet was the one who always took care of her. Rachel was a reminder to both women of what could happen to them. She was a living flag of the monsters of war. They loved the child but every time they saw the mulberry tree they rather not see the little girl. When she returned back to the house, her eyes fell on Scarlet who was on top of the horse staring down at the ground, her eyes closed, and the tears falling gently out of the tight closed eyes. Sophie then hated the other man more, because that was the only thing she could do.
Because she was being forced to do something she did not want to do. No one had ever done that to her. Her father had never told her to do anything but what she had to do. Her mother treated her like the spoiled child she had been. And every slave had been at her feet. Because she was the little princess of the great Magnolia plantation and now she was nothing more than a pauper with a child. She switched Rachel to her other arm and kissed her sleeping brow. She would return. One day when this war and stupidity was over she would return and reside as the mistress of the Magnolia. A small smile taunted her lips but she kept it down and spoke , keeping her eyes on Scarlet.
“ My name is Sophia Becket and She is Scarlet Bellefleur and if you touch a hair on her or me I will kill you.”

She stiffened. Her back shot up straight like a rod and Rachel sighed in her sleep. She hated the man. She hated him touching her and restraining her and giving her orders.
“I will do as I damn please and you can do nothing about it” She retorted then feeling foolish and reckless “The moment you touch me, damn Yankee I will chop those fingers off”

His arm stung about her waist and she wanted to lean down and bite it. However she managed to gather her control and stare out into the distance. She did not want to turn around and watch the magnolia. It was saddening that the only thing remaining was the mulberry tree and the great white house, darkened by soot. Just like her future. It was but a shell waiting for something to fill it and thanks to this abominable man she was not being allowed to build her precious house back to its former greatness. She remembered then with great sadness the splendor of her home.

Once where the cobblestone was falling away and eaten by weeds, flower beds had reigned in peace. The grass had been scorned now by all the time they had no one to take care of it and it grew as tall as three feet. However, when she used to remember the magnolia she could always see her mother sitting on the balcony knitting or gossiping with nana or braiding Kathleen’s hair. On the other hand her dear papa would be riding over the horizon with joyous news or drinking his brandy in the study, looking over the accounts with great care. And her brother would dance his merry dance with all the misses of the region. But now…now that was forgotten. It was but a dream that Sophie was not sure was real anymore.
She managed to move her arm and rest Rachel in a better angle. Here was Darling Rachel who would never hear the chanting of the slaves when the sun was slipping from the sky and showering the lands of the Magnolia with sunshine and caressing it with its last rays. She would never see the river that bended around the south part and sent a great waterfall to crash against the rock and then continued in its sleepy way. She tightened her jaw then. She would make sure that Rachel saw it. She would make sure of that. The war could not go on forever and when it ended…she would return back to her land and pry it open with her fingers before reviving it to its greatness.

She remained silent willing him to do something. She would not answer. The ride had been most unpleasant with his arm around her and she knowing that he was but a few inches away from her. She had bitten down her retort and rather concentrated on her own thoughts. She had battled for a few seconds and then as the hills rolled by, sweetly letting her know that spring was there and the marigolds so shiny and cheery giving her a headache she finally fell upon a resolution.

Now it was time to put it into action. She thrust her chin out and spoke quietly, ice falling out of every word. She was not going to stay here like a prisoner of war. She would die before she gave up.
“The only thing we need is for you to leave us alone” She would have said that but it sounded far too childish, as if those were the only words she knew. Albeit she hated him and that was in fact the only thing that would make her happy she understood that this was not about her happiness but about the safety of those she cared about…and if to achieve that she had to sell herself…she would do so happily. However she was not about to do that, her body was still the only thing that right now truly belonged to her. She settled the sleeping child down and finally crossing her arms below her bosom she finally spoke answering one question and one question only.
“I need a wet nurse…the child will die if she continues to feed herself out of yam gruel”
She bit her tongue before she added “scarlet needs food…She is growing gaunt “
She was too. Her dresses that once fit nicely on her and were rather tight around her young body now fit loosely and her long fingers were red, the nails half bitten, her once lustrous black hair seemed now colorless and limp. She had dark bags under her eyes of the sleepless nights she had suffered. Wondering how to feed….how to make Scarlet and Rachel continue living and she had forgotten about herself. She had forgotten what it was to take a bath in warm water and rinse with soft towels. She stared at him for a while before going in and murmuring under her soft breath
“I will do as I damn please”

And she did.
All she accomplished all day was to sit on the corner of the tent and stare down at her roughened hands. It was sad really that she was still sitting on her land and yet she felt a complete prisoner. She had tried a few minutes ago to go out and stare at the blue sky but a soldier had stopped her and told her in a very polite voice that she was not allowed outside. She had argued that she needed to relieve herself and he had answered that he would go with her. With sniff she returned and plopped her body down on the floor. She hated all soldiers? Had she said that already? She believed she had. They were rude and worthless and they thought they knew everything…which they did not!

The image of the stupid man that she hated rose in her head and she found herself raging with anger. How dare he? How dare he? Indeed. He took her away form everything she knew and then settled her in a tent where she could not relieve herself in a proper way because she was a damn prisoner. She stood up and paced the place. It was not a very long stretch but she felt better. She then jumped and finally settled down. Rachel began wake and wail like she always did. Putting her hands to her ears Sophie breathed in and out until Scarlet guided by another soldier came in. The blond woman picked the child up and cooed soft words but the child kept screaming. Then as the hours passed, she would not stop. The bony child felt frail in her hands and she just kept crying. Slowly the cries lowered and the child coughed and she stopped. Putting a hand to her forehead, Scarlet sprang back fear etching her every feature.
“She is …she has a fever” Sophie watched the child from her corner and then standing up walked to her. The child’s face, usually very pale, was blossoming red. The tiny body shook and Sophie cradled her in her arms and remained quiet. Silently the two women sat together. Their eyes glued to the tiny body as it breathed in shallowly and Sally coming in almost sobbed.
“We should tell them”
She said softly but Sophie and scarlet shook their heads simultaneously.
“Let her die in peace…let her die in her own land” Tears fell quietly out of green, blue and brown hues and a bird cried outside.
About five minutes later the body stopped moving and Scarlet bit her lower lip and sobbed, her entire body shaking while Sophie looked at the ceiling of the tent and closed her eyes.

“Kathleen, stop…Do not talk like that…please...please...please “She bit back a sob and extended her hand “Do not step over that ledge. What will happen to Rachel? “She lunged forwards but Kathleen was faster than her. She stepped aside and then with a beatific smile on her face she opened her arms and dropped twenty meters from above her room. She flied down, the air resistance negligible to her. Her arms opened wide and when Sophia raised herself and stared down. Kathleen lay sprawled with Scarlet moving her trying to bring the life back into her lifeless body. Sophia had the strange sensation then that if she too dropped herself everything would be over. She stepped over the ledge opened her arms and then…
Rachel wailed. She wailed terribly. She turned around and ran towards the child, forgetting that just a few seconds above she was about to fly.
Since then she always hated hearing Rachel cry, because it reminded her then…of those awful thoughts she had had.

And now she was gone. The pretty child was gone. Her body lifeless like her momma’s lay in her arms and she lowering her eyes vowed to bury the child under the mulberry tree.

She felt the anger cursing trough his body and somehow that made her feel better. She wanted to strike back for the way he was treating her and the only way was to defy him. She opened her mouth then, however his final words hit her right where it hurt the most. She tightened her jaw quietly and fisted her hands. The pain then turned into anger. How dare he!? Damn him and his arrogant position. She was the daughter of a great man and she had been someone but now men like him could take advantage of her and use her and disuse her like they felt like it and she would no say in it. Because she was a woman they could trample her beneath their well polished boots. Edward’s shirt and trousers made her feel a bit better, because now she was dressed like a man and that gave her courage to speak out.

“The death of the child was not my fault. If it was anyone’s fault it was fate. This is a low blow for anyone to bring that up. You sir are no gentleman, you are a scoundrel who dares to speak to me in such way…And yes no one will miss me, so go ahead and do it. I would not expect any better than you. Release your anger on the woman, who got the best of you, scoundrels are that way you know. Easily angered and easily given to threats because they cannot control their “prisoners” quote, unquote. Go ahead and strike me right now like you wanted to do back then.” She leaned back until she touched her back to his chest. A smile was splayed on her full lips as she raised her head and whispered “Did it hurt you that I bested you?” Her laughter then rang across the fields and Scarlet raised her head with a half smile on her lips.
Sophia’s laughter inspired Scarlet to speak out and this time she almost shouted it “What did you do this time Sophie!?”
Sophia turned her head completely ignoring the insufferable man and shouted back “I dared him!”
Sally seemed pulled into the fun and waging her forefinger she cried “Mistress Sophie… That sho is bad!” Her southern dialect returned and the three women laughed.

This was the Sophie they knew. The one who took the bull by the horns and laughed about It., the one who was bold enough to turn in her saddle put her hand on his cheek and smile quite charmingly “What are we having for breakfast?” She then turned leaned back and feigned to go to sleep. Sally and Scarlet could not restrain their laughter and snickered until one of them was able to look away and cough and then stop.
Not because Sophie acted in such way did it mean that she was not mad. She was boiling with anger. He had treated her worse than a potato sack but until they reached the north , she would have to restrain her anger and turn it into a mockery. That would anger him more than it would anger her. She would see who lost first. She opened one of her eyes and still leaning against him she whispered “whoever gets angry first loses!”
Then she crossed her arms in front of her and continued leaning back. He could not move back or shove her forward…and if he did...well she would have more material to get revenge with.