This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Gone.


Author: MC white
ASL Info:    20/Male/Ohio
Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 71 /73 /45
Words: 80
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1364
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 528



Description:




Gone.



A lap dance, A lover
the dim light, another
late night
her dress tight
I wonder, above her
The smoke on the ceiling
and in me, I'm feeling
I'm lifted and drifting
her dress, I've been peeling
off
and shes free
and shes down on her knees
and I'm back in the moment
where she wants me to be
so I move her, and through her
I wish that I knew her
by morning or sooner
I'll be gone




Submitted on 2008-02-04 21:51:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I like this poem it has such a natural rhythem to it and tells a complete story with a shorter poem. I also really like the description of the smoke. Great Right keep on writing

Sarah
| Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by Selene | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



157055