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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Changingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Squall Leon Hea
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 104/79/29
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 870
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 659



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChangingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    what shall I do?
    please give me a clue

    to my problem, oh please
    my heart does not ease

    can not hold
    a feeling that my soul is sold

    my life has been fold
    a story long been told

    I don't want pain anymore
    don't want my heart to get sore

    don't want to see that shut door
    with my forehead down on the floor

    begging like a pathetic fool
    then thrown away like a defective tool

    that is the last straw
    this habit has to go

    have to forget this law
    and go against the flow




    Submitted on 2008-02-05 01:26:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Do you feel like that?
    Who would throw you aside? Your a lovely person, with a lovely personality. I think you are a very wonderful man.
    Okay, now feed back on the poem.
    My favorite part was-
    "begging like a pathetic fool
    then thrown away like a defective tool

    that is the last straw
    this habit has to go

    have to forget this law
    and go against the flow"

    That really struck me. Its a very effective peice and I can see it all because of the imagery you give.
    Before that the ryhme scheme seemed off, but the way you wrapped up the poem made it great.
    If you were to change anything I would try to get the ryhme scheme at the beginning a little more... hmm.. organized? I dont no if thats the word I want but im sleepy so itll have to do :P

    Great write, keep it up.
    Much love -Safire <3
    | Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like how u wrote this!
    | Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by Nessyjane | [ Reply to This ]


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