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Changing


Author: Squall Leon Hea
Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 104 /79 /29
Words: 105
Class/Type: Poetry /Being a Teen
Total Views: 1079
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 659



Description:




Changing



what shall I do?
please give me a clue

to my problem, oh please
my heart does not ease

can not hold
a feeling that my soul is sold

my life has been fold
a story long been told

I don't want pain anymore
don't want my heart to get sore

don't want to see that shut door
with my forehead down on the floor

begging like a pathetic fool
then thrown away like a defective tool

that is the last straw
this habit has to go

have to forget this law
and go against the flow




Submitted on 2008-02-05 01:26:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Do you feel like that?
Who would throw you aside? Your a lovely person, with a lovely personality. I think you are a very wonderful man.
Okay, now feed back on the poem.
My favorite part was-
"begging like a pathetic fool
then thrown away like a defective tool

that is the last straw
this habit has to go

have to forget this law
and go against the flow"

That really struck me. Its a very effective peice and I can see it all because of the imagery you give.
Before that the ryhme scheme seemed off, but the way you wrapped up the poem made it great.
If you were to change anything I would try to get the ryhme scheme at the beginning a little more... hmm.. organized? I dont no if thats the word I want but im sleepy so itll have to do :P

Great write, keep it up.
Much love -Safire <3
| Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
  i really like how u wrote this!
| Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by Nessyjane | [ Reply to This ]


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