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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tension/Dancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lynn marsters
    ASL Info:    20/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 49/61/32
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 959
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 654



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTension/Dancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tension
    S
    T
    R
    U
    N
    G
    Through her body
    Beatifies the music
    Expresses the emotion

    Releases the

    Tension

    She feels,
    Her heart,
    Is cold,
    Her mind,
    Is empty
    Her soul is on fire

    Tension
    Controls her every movement

    A moment in time
    The sound
    Was all there was

    And she was
    In
    And
    Of it

    Tension

    Expressed her love





    Submitted on 2008-02-05 15:17:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like this one too, they both have a sort of abstract quality to them which i enjoy, the ability for anyone to interpret how they choose. with this one however i would suggest spacing the strung part away from the lines before and after, because the way it is the eye naturally starts reading it as TSTRUNGT so unless you were doing that on purpose, i would separate them.
    also i think that this part:

    She feels,
    Her heart,
    Is cold,
    Her mind,
    Is empty
    Her soul is on fire

    would sound better without the 'is' in front of 'cold' and 'empty' i think they could make more impact as single words.
    But of course these are just suggestions.
    Regards, Kalinda
    | Posted on 2008-02-06 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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