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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Noticing Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 882
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 874



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNoticing Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lifeís puzzle pieces are strange.
    Never quite fitting, shapes always interchange.
    But finally the enigma united.
    Something inside me you ignited.
    Now, tunes in my head are humming.
    I want to embrace whateverís coming.
    You draw a penned bracelet around your wrist
    Your image fogs the world with mist.
    Like an ocean overtaking the stand.
    Your hair gently falls strand after strand.
    Your waist lined with the stars of Orion.
    You make me feel like a lion.
    You are the Queen of Nazareth.
    Only you can take away my breath.
    Iíll let you in on my grand revelation.
    This love is of our own creation.
    I donít mean to intrude.
    Donít want to interrupt your solitude.
    But Iím done with my chrysalis.
    Now, I want to feel your sweet butterfly kiss.




    Submitted on 2004-02-05 22:41:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      much better ending than your last few pieces, this one held me all the way to the end. Now if you could just break the habit of forcing rhymes, which doesnt seem to affect this piece at all, you would write a very good piece. There are just a few places here and there where the weight of the message relies solely on the rhyme, but much much better.... keep writing, you got the talent
    | Posted on 2004-02-06 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
      I quite like the last two lines. Actually, I like it all despite the rhyme.
    | Posted on 2004-02-05 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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