Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Noticing Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 918
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 874



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNoticing Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lifeís puzzle pieces are strange.
    Never quite fitting, shapes always interchange.
    But finally the enigma united.
    Something inside me you ignited.
    Now, tunes in my head are humming.
    I want to embrace whateverís coming.
    You draw a penned bracelet around your wrist
    Your image fogs the world with mist.
    Like an ocean overtaking the stand.
    Your hair gently falls strand after strand.
    Your waist lined with the stars of Orion.
    You make me feel like a lion.
    You are the Queen of Nazareth.
    Only you can take away my breath.
    Iíll let you in on my grand revelation.
    This love is of our own creation.
    I donít mean to intrude.
    Donít want to interrupt your solitude.
    But Iím done with my chrysalis.
    Now, I want to feel your sweet butterfly kiss.




    Submitted on 2004-02-05 22:41:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      much better ending than your last few pieces, this one held me all the way to the end. Now if you could just break the habit of forcing rhymes, which doesnt seem to affect this piece at all, you would write a very good piece. There are just a few places here and there where the weight of the message relies solely on the rhyme, but much much better.... keep writing, you got the talent
    | Posted on 2004-02-06 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
      I quite like the last two lines. Actually, I like it all despite the rhyme.
    | Posted on 2004-02-05 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    1571

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Every..... written by jackz
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry