Outside Majesty by SKillz

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Submission Name: Outside Majesty dots

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Author:	SKillz_Heckle
ASL Info:	21/Male/Tha BRIARWOOD!!
Elite Ratio:	6.02 - 268/173/39
Words:	143

Class/Type:	Poetry/Happy
Total Views:	264
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	854

Description:
I wrote this while playing Cavatina in my own mind.....

I love you all.....I have you all....but most importantly I am indifferent.......¿

Outside Majesty dots

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The Blue sky in the distance is lovely
trees all around like a canopy above me
I walk through these woods alone
I have no walkie talkie or cellular phone
Just me and my walking stick
Bugs around repelled by a flick
the ground passing below covered in leaves
gloves conceal my hands at the end of my sleeves
from the distance a silhouette of a deer
I stand very still to observe it coming near
not a deer, but an elk majestic as ever
I smile as I am about to complete my endeavor
My camera, and walking stick I point at him
then with a Bright flash.........
MY bullet splat him.
I take my picture for all to remember
then with my hunting knife I cut and dismember
In my head I hear
the same gunshot that killed my dear.........¿

Submitted on 2004-06-28 12:10:21 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
No, I like killed my dear. He's being smart, can't you see?
His stick.. now, they have these walking sticks here and in the UK that they call "shooting sticks". The hunters and farm-type people, country people, all carry them.

This is actually really weird, because I am here after reading your comment to sharky's deer poem, (nice, btw), then I read the other post to Marz, and then came here. And it's about more bloody deer, LOL, what are the [censored] chances....
Anyway, have you heard of the boxer Chris Eubank? He's insane, and goes around dressing like a country squire, and he carries those shooting sticks as well, and strives to inform people that he's actually a very intelligent man (by appearing on celebrity-whore TV).
So I see him walking through the woods when I read this... I agree with Cyn about the gloves line, I thought that as well as soon as I saw it. you could say something about breathing, and use "heaves", or believes or disagrees, or whatever, but that line as it is stopped me in my tracks.
Overall, it's interesting. I understood what Cyn meant about the camera and the walking stick.. but I don't see why the camera needs to be mentioned beforehand. It's not prose, it's poetry, and you're not stating the bleedin' obvious. Always good, to use poetic license. Well done, I liked this piece :D
| Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
...killed his dear.

oh oh oh oh! his deer caught in his evil baroque headlights. and all the rest. *rolls eyes*

dark brother...as ususal, simply complex.
I'll stop commenting on you work now. just had that kind of day (night). sorry...

I'll go away now ;) *kind of*
| Posted on 2004-06-28 00:00:00 | by pawnee | [ Reply to This ]

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