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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tom's Life dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: amrslamr
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 18/18/16
    Words: 373
    Class/Type: Poetry/Trapped
    Total Views: 826
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2121



    Description:
       About a friend. He gets a little overwhelmed, sometimes, like we all do.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTom's Life dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tom's Life
    by amr
    20080205


    When you finally sit down at the end of the day
    And you're drinking your tea that's got cold,
    You look over your list of the things left to do
    And you feel just a little bit old.

    Will there ever be time to get everything done?
    Will you struggle like this till you die?
    How nice it would be to just walk out that door
    And sit somewhere and look at the sky.

    Or to soak, head to toe, in a hot bubble bath
    With a book and an hour to read.
    You remember you used to find time to do that,
    Now you don't even have time to breathe.

    Oh, it's good now: the family, the life, that you have,
    And you wouldn't trade that for the world.
    But you wonder if maybe you lost the real you
    In the wife, and the boy, and the girl.

    No. You'd do it again. Oh, you know that you would.
    Though you're tired, sometimes, to the bone.
    So you pour out the rest of that cup of cold tea
    And you get up and make your way home.

    Then you walk through the door and the children are there
    And your wife looks at you with a grin.
    You can tell that it's gonna be one busy night,
    But you're starting to feel good again.

    After ballgames and dance class and magic and scouts,
    Then you put both the kids in their beds,
    You read stories and kiss them and turn the lights out,
    As a million things run through your head:

    No, you won't ever get to get up and take off,
    And just sit somewhere watching the sea.
    Cause as tired as you get and as much as you do
    There's no way you could ever just leave.

    You're a father, a leader, a lover and friend,
    And you'll always have too much to do,
    But you'll try and slip in a hot bath now and then
    And you know that, inside, you're still you.





    Submitted on 2008-02-06 00:16:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      YOu are a good story teller, expecially trying to give a person a certain experience,. i'm nowhere near the age to fit in htis guys shoes, but I can relate to him with the simple, succint words you use, the actual pace of the poem, was slow, which fit the actual at-first- melancholly feel. I believe your best bars were 3,5 and the last. This is your time to shine- you do it well.
    | Posted on 2008-02-07 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a real beautiful, touching ode to a friend, a father.. i can imagine it gets overwhelming with kids (i have none) and sometimes in a fantasy it'd be a bit of freedom to just leave it all and go sit by the sea...

    i'm not overly fond of rhyme, but this works well and just moseys along as i read it.

    well done! and kudos to the father you are speaking of. he's a real dad.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2008-02-06 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]


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