Description: its raw
i couldn't do it anyway
he could be the one...
i tried -------------------------------------------
I could try to tell you
In flowered words
The way they always seem to do
But I just want to tell you straight
How much I love you
When I think of you leaving
It’s hard not to cry
I’ll hold back the tears
Only to keep up appearances
Every night I think of you
While I lie awake trying to sleep
Wishing that just once
I could feel your arms around me
When I talk to you the world almost stops
For a little while at least
And in those moments
I finally feel at home
It overwhelms me
How much I feel
So much that just trying to write this
Makes my stomach turn
If I tried to say it
I’m sure my voice would shake
All I want is the little things
The goodnight kiss
Whispered ‘I love you’
Holding hands in public
You make me feel
For the first time
That it could all be possible
That perhaps I won’t spend my life alone
And somehow everything will be okay
I breathe for the next time I get to hear your voice
I sleep only so that tomorrow can come quicker
I don’t think I really need to tell you
How much I need you, or miss you
But you should know
That no matter how long eternity lasts
I’ll wait for you
Until there’s no soul left of me
this has a beautiful rythym to it, it breathes and it is nice and clear. a pure emotion, a primary colour not clouded by doubt or fear or jealousy...perhaps there is a little taint of self doubt, a hint that before or without him you may dispair about love but it is just there to put this longing into relief. It also carries a decent amount of story. you know this boy, he might go away, your love is so far unrequited etc. If there is a criticism it is that this state of emotion is fairly common, and there are many love songs in the world. that said, this one is particularly nice.
This was written very well and put tears in my eyes. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the poem. It was perfect. I know the feeling of losing someone whom you love entirely and want nothing more from them than their love. I know how it feels to lose that person to. Such a sucky feeling.... Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading
i'ma be honest it was a bit contrived... beautiful in a way that seems forced and a genre that you seem to write about all the time... not to say thats a bad thing but rather than falling in love to have something to write... show some range and growth..
What a great description, The emotions in that poem is more than great, you described the feeling of losing the love in a brilliant way, but the poem is in shortage of the "figures of speech" ie. There are few similes and almost no metaphors.
My favorite line in this poem is "I sleep only so that tomorrow can come quicker" because it reflect my mood. I still suffering from an emotional problem.
Great work Kalinda
This is a tough problem. I went through this, only I was the one who left, thanks to my parents. I think this poem was so innocent, so sweet. The fact that all you want are the little things in love. And that is the important things, aren't they. The things you miss the most. Maybe my mood at the time is clouding my constructive critisism at the moment, because I can't think of anything that is wrong with your poem. Either that or you've written the first perfect poem in the history of poetry.
Submission Name: i tried
