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    dots Submission Name: I shall . . .dots

    Author: Duke Medhat
    ASL Info:    21/Male/Egypt
    Elite Ratio:    5.08 - 58/38/24
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 986
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 716

       I just want to give a little note that in "It's enough for me those five" she refused me for 5 times. . .

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI shall . . .dots

    I shall redeem the floor
    Nothing less and nothing more
    For now, it's just the floor

    I shall redeem my life
    It's enough for me those five
    Refusals in my dull life

    A Goddess, you are for me
    A dream that can not be
    True, even for me

    I shall wake up and stand
    Collecting my heart in my hand
    Though its pieces are like the sand

    I shall forget me and you
    That's exactly what shall I do
    I'll try to live for me, not for you

    Though, my soul is falling apart
    Instead of an end, this will be my start
    I shall re-awake the torch of my heart

    Submitted on 2008-02-06 09:22:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Although the rhymes seemed a little forced, I think it is a decent piece. The last line on each stanza tends to be a little repetitive, which can get tiring after a while.
    I liked the first stanza, because it has a certain... I don't know how to put it, but it's... Well, I like it. I also liked the last stanza and the third, but I think the 'Though its pieces are like the sand' could be improved on.
    | Posted on 2008-02-06 00:00:00 | by Ceasing End | [ Reply to This ]

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