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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Disappearancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: azurwarrior
    ASL Info:    44/m/SoCal
    Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 86/85/63
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 99
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 547



    Description:
       This is about writers block, or feeling uninspired or interrupted dreams...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Disappearancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wonder why my writing well went dry?
    Before it was so deliciously fragrant,
    With well thought out, landscaped stones.
    A little tin cup lay beside for quick droughts.
    Any thirsty person was welcome.
    The sweet grass always made me a little hungry
    and feel well.
    Shattered to hell.
    With cannons resurrected from olden days.
    Rendering it bare and impotent, desolate.
    It'll take days and months,
    Of trudging on the black ice to get more water.
    Oh, my Father!




    Submitted on 2008-02-06 15:59:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      shouldnt it be 'disappearance'?


    writing and writers block interest me.
    when i first started writing i was churning out piece after piece and it gradually slowed down and i freaked out if i didnt write a piece a day lol. i can go weeks without writing something and i am comfortable with that... i know that something will pop up along the line and i collect little nuggets of beauty in a notebook savouring them for the day theyre needed to become a poem...


    what interests me most is the ending.. my Father... i cannot work out whether this is an allusion to God or whether poetry/inspiration is what you speak of... i cannot work it out and it interests me because depending on how it is understood could change the whole meaning of the piece...

    | Posted on 2008-02-07 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice assessment on writers' block. Yes, adding a small julep sometimes helps if it doesn't drug you into a nap. The colorful fireworks line is a good one . I sometimes have the same problem of my mind floating out of character with that which I am writing about. The line, trudging on solid ice to get more water,
    epitomises what writers' block is. I like the way you ended the piece which says, HELP! HELP!
    | Posted on 2008-02-07 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I know I should be commenting on all aspects of this poem etc. But I was seriously drawn to that alliteration in the beginning, which I don't know if it was intentional or not...


    wonder why my writing well went dry?


    5 w's. Quite impressive. My favorite alliteration is still an alliteration from a Water company.

    "We Work Well With Water."


    It would have been a flawless advertising scheme...if I could just remember the company who's slogan that is.
    | Posted on 2008-02-06 00:00:00 | by Renč Magrete | [ Reply to This ]
      you? writers block? hahaha...
    well since you're leaving this open and unspecified, here are my dos pesos;
    "I wonder...well thought out, landscaped stones....", i've done a little landscaping in my day and stacked a few well thought out stones, great picture of order and precision, "...welcome.
    The sweet grass always made me a little hungry
    and feel well." good stuff and here ye here ye!
    does help, no doubt. anyway great line and probably my fave. now; "...a cannon, they tell."
    not sure why the rhyme here with the line preceding? if it were me i would probably just drop the "they tell." doesn't seem real needed and also feels a little forced. "it'll take miles and miles", i think this would be way more swell if you did a little something like "days and months", "minutes and hours", or "up to three weekends" hahaha...
    yup, just a few thinks o' mine.
    | Posted on 2008-02-06 00:00:00 | by eno1 | [ Reply to This ]



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