Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the reflection of my secret braindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 616
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 925



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe reflection of my secret braindots
    -------------------------------------------


    the city is like a box
    where i opened into
    & skated past the reflection
    of my secret brain.

    wild lips
    obscure the mild wood
    where the trenchy leaves
    litter where my heart goes
    when it's full of the moss
    of the world.

    & the pink
    of sleep
    is wrestling down my cheek
    where your eyes are
    so distantly disturbing.

    the outsides of trees
    are warped and twisted
    on my tongue
    where my child heart
    is counting in threes.

    the torture of breathing
    is that when the breath's done
    it has to start all over.
    & in the mirror
    i see things that i shouldn't.

    in a flame,
    sparks gather
    toward my distant thumb.
    rattle the bars
    & i'll come running
    with my sun.




    Submitted on 2008-02-06 19:07:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the sound of it. It has a sort of melancholy rhymn to it. It makes me relaxed and I can see the images in my mind. My favorite part is :

    wild lips
    obscure the mild wood
    where the trenchy leaves
    litter where my heart goes
    when it's full of the moss
    of the world.

    It just makes me think of a warm wooded area that's on the edge of fall. I love it! Great job!
    | Posted on 2008-02-07 00:00:00 | by lorethriel | [ Reply to This ]
      reverence for nature and serenity even in the city... colours become an array of moods, people become skaters drifting past... and memories resurface, that of being an innocent child, perhaps engraving initials into a tree... i used to do that plenty, just because it seems so ethereal... a scar, tissue which will grow over and mesh with the bark, much like ourselves, don't you think?

    and that's where this poem took me. it's very flighty... yet earthed, very whimsical and free.
    ~
    | Posted on 2008-02-06 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    157143

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Fasade written by jackz
    Cover written by saartha
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Etiquette written by saartha
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Every..... written by jackz
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry