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    dots Submission Name: Twinkle,Twinkledots

    Author: BlueTorcher
    Elite Ratio:    4.67 - 79/97/96
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 692
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 791

       I really think if i could get someone with some experience under their belt to help me my work would be a lot better.

    Any volunters?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Little star

    How much I wonder
    Where you are

    Could you fly down
    To see me today
    For tomorrow,I will be faraway

    Away from here
    Away from there

    Oh,Little star
    Do you even care

    I watch
    Always I do
    As you streak across the sky

    A deep aqua blue
    Your tail hangs back
    To tired to start

    It silver white wings
    Glisten with dew

    As the sun chases
    After you

    Its face unmoving
    Its eyes still
    Its cold heart

    Seem so unreal
    Little star run
    Run far away

    Because the sun
    Is not in the mood to play

    Submitted on 2008-02-06 23:03:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I do sort of agree with the play on other song/poem. On the other hand, however, This is a brilliant write. I love the imagery, I eventually want to be able to write similar to this.

    Again, brilliant write.
    | Posted on 2008-04-24 00:00:00 | by Sharati_hottie | [ Reply to This ]
      It was a mistake for me to read this when I saw the title. I'm not into poems where you play on another poem or song, so I'd just tear this thing apart if I wanted to criticize. I do like some of the images you create, though, to be honest. If it wasn't a play on "Twinkle Twinkle little star" it would be a great poem.
    | Posted on 2008-02-06 00:00:00 | by Renč Magrete | [ Reply to This ]

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