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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You staydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Katlord
    ASL Info:    24/no thanks/my room
    Elite Ratio:    2.17 - 375/199/101
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 628
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1131



    Description:
       Ehhh..Comments are appercaited muchly.. This one was also just thrown together. I don't know what else to write about I'm kind of working through a block. Enjoy ^-^


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou staydots
    -------------------------------------------


    What am I
    to do with you
    Please don't
    fall for me.

    All I'll do is
    hurt you.
    In each
    and everyway.

    Yet you come
    and stand next to me
    Saying, "no worries
    it will all be okay."

    I look to you
    for comfort
    Yet you want
    something more.

    Can't you please
    accept this.
    Just let me lean
    and cry.

    I don't what I'd do
    without you.
    My tears
    would never dry.

    I wish I could explain
    Why I am this way.
    I don't want you
    to stay here.

    This is the
    best for you.
    I won't say
    what it does to me.

    I hurt you
    yet you stay.




    Submitted on 2008-02-07 12:20:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      their are certain parts of this poem I can relate to, I've always wanted to write somthn like this but you've described the feeling very well in this piece. very much awesome poem.
    | Posted on 2008-02-19 00:00:00 | by Mirado | [ Reply to This ]
      Writer's block sucks. I hope that you get around it !

    The subject at hand is "I'm always hurting you, but you still stay by my side." It has always been a weird concept, trying to understand why people stay with an abusive (physically or mentally) mate. Maybe they are afraid, or they actually care that much. Human are intriguing creatures, with very complex thought processes (there I go again, sounding like a scientist *sigh*)

    Hmmm...critiques.

    1.) The second line of the sixth stanza has an extra "out."

    The bolded words tell the meaning of this poem with simplistic clarity. I actually think that you should add that line somewhere in the piece. With that line, might I recommend adding a more happy (for lack of a better word) line? It might ruin the piece, but it could make it a better melodramatic piece.

    Well written.

    Have a good day,
    Cirruculum (TK)
    | Posted on 2008-02-11 00:00:00 | by Cirruculum | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really good, like how the dark words say i hurt you yet you stay, very good
    | Posted on 2008-02-08 00:00:00 | by Romantic Girl | [ Reply to This ]


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