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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I've Liveddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1073
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 921



    Description:
       Well, I have...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI've Liveddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I breathe and I bleed
    I laugh and I cry
    I hope and despair
    I live and I'll die

    I love and I hate
    I romance and I lust
    I'll avoid or I'll touch
    I disbelieve and I trust

    I want and I need
    I refuse and I hide
    I push and I pull
    I'm honest but I've lied

    I drink and I taste
    I've been silent and I've spoke
    I smile and I frown
    I've swallowed and I've choked

    I sing and I dance
    I've been serious and I've been fun
    I can steal and I can earn
    I've been just another and I've been "The One"

    I've repelled and I've desired
    I've let go and I've held on
    I have learned and I've inspired
    I'm weak, but I'm incredibly strong.




    Submitted on 2008-02-07 17:49:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This discusses alot but it shows very little.
    Just thought I would add that...
    I mean its an interesting idea, for sure. And it portrays the title but it seems like thats it. Walking away from this I remember nothing, like the words just seem to mold into each other until I'm left with a sort of emptiness, like...thats it?

    I dont know, thats just what I got from it. Maybe try to encorporate an ending? a main point that is coming across? or you can leave it like that, I'm not sure if you want that feeling of "thats just it..." in it or not. If so, then good job. If not, well then i dont know.

    Not a bad write though :)

    -Miranda
    | Posted on 2008-02-09 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]


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