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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Insomniadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raistlin Sith
    ASL Info:    20/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 99/149/53
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 753
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1292



    Description:
       I'm twenty years old as of writing this, and insomnia has been something i've been fighting with for a decade. I was utterly exhausted when i wrote it, and i was sitting there, trying to think of something to write about. It hit me that I had never dedicated a poem to insomnia, so here it is. I know a lot of people say it's not an original theme, but honestly, what is anymore? As a writer, I don't feel like I'm obligated to come up with something new to write about. The most important things in life have generally been the same for thousands of years, and the things that grab us the most are the most described. As a writer, I feel like my job is to paint an image of whatever I'm focused on as I see it from my eyes. I don't try to teach something new about the world, I try to let my readers take a brief ride into my mind, thoughts, fears. Anyway, it's not a hard piece to understand.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInsomniadots
    -------------------------------------------


    This pillow feels like cement
    on a bed of jagged nails,
    I'm praying for an ounce of rest,
    but even that bid fails.

    My eyes are dully burning
    just like the day before,
    my body keeps on running
    till I can't take it anymore.

    My head though is still racing
    with every whim and thought,
    no strategy has shut it down
    despite the years they've fought.

    This restlessness is killing me,
    at least that's how I feel,
    I'm slowly drifting out of touch
    and I don't know what's real.

    I've started counting days
    by when everyone's in bed
    rather than a calendar;
    it's fucking with my head.

    I've yet to find that wonderland
    where people's words are clear,
    or what I see makes sense
    and I'm sure of what I hear.

    Sometimes I get so fed up
    that it puts me in a rage
    but there's no place for the anger
    so it's locked up in this cage.

    It's becoming quite a problem
    and I'm running out of sheep,
    It's bad for any state of mind;
    I need to get some sleep.




    Submitted on 2008-02-08 04:30:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hah That kind of reminds me of the guy in Fight Club. Insomnia really f*cked him up.

    But yeah, I love this. Having chronic insomnia, I can relate to every line. You've said it well.

    And I agree with the last comment... the common rhyme scheme works because it flows perfectly. So I have no constructive criticism. I really enjoyed this.

    Very nicely done.

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2008-02-09 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
      a feeling i can relate to. not sleeping can be such a killer >.<
    I pretty much agree with AeThe Lost Poet. it's a pretty common rhyming scheme, but it seems to work well in this context because you've got a good rhythm to it.
    Nice work, keep it up.
    Regards, Kalinda
    | Posted on 2008-02-08 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]
      NOt the most original work- i mean of course we talk about it, but i mean the rhyme scheme is too familiar to me, but your feel and rhythm are definitely to my taste. your best bars are 1,4,7 and 8. your kn you way to the best writing you've ever known. you will shine- you do it well
    | Posted on 2008-02-08 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]



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