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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Love Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Piper
    ASL Info:    17/ Female/ Europe
    Elite Ratio:    2.78 - 31/41/27
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 100
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 788



    Description:
       I'm really tired of all the love poems I've been writing for the last few weeks, but I simply cannot stop. Oh well.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Love Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I care a lot,
    And you can't even see
    The way I look at you,
    How much you mean to me.

    So I'm writing this down,
    Hoping that once,
    You are going to read it,
    And maybe give us a chance.

    You smile and shout,
    But you don't know your way,
    Makes me feel good,
    And really makes my day.

    And how am I supposed
    To live when you're gone,
    Like I never met you.
    How can I carry on?

    You made me feel something
    That I never felt before
    And I cannot forget it,
    It is you I adore.

    The simple things you say,
    Make my dreams come true,
    And how can I ever forget,
    That I once loved you.




    Submitted on 2008-02-08 08:40:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's simple and straight to the point, but I do feel that it can be presented in a more subtle way. With certain choice of words, the tone and atmosphere can change a lot. Just a personal opinion. :)
    | Posted on 2008-02-14 00:00:00 | by whchong | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. It doesn't flow as well as it could, and it could use of few words here in there. Like in the last sentence of the first stanza. Yes, it sounds alright, but it could sound a lot better. It was really good though. It was simple and sweet.
    Keep writing.
    :]
    Katherine
    | Posted on 2008-02-08 00:00:00 | by Katherine_Music | [ Reply to This ]
      What a sweet poetic letter to a love, deep and truthful. I adore this type of write for its unhidden intent and honesty.

    Beautiful.

    Love,
    Me.
    | Posted on 2008-02-08 00:00:00 | by forfila | [ Reply to This ]



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