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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Secrets of the Skydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: smartblond
    ASL Info:    18/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 97/114/33
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 387
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 629



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSecrets of the Skydots
    -------------------------------------------


    You watch us
    And you know us all
    You see the summer
    And the fall

    You never leave us
    but you ever change
    Through clouds and snow
    And even rain

    You give us light
    By which we live
    But also storms you do give

    You're master of night and day
    And with the Sun and moon you play
    Your power is beyond compare
    To draw in millions who do stare

    Yet some will never grasp your beauty
    As you reign and do your duty
    We are always in your sight
    Whether it is day or night




    Submitted on 2008-02-08 16:09:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the idea but it could be written a little differently. The rhyming is off, for one. Which sorta throws off the poem. Its something like:

    A
    B
    C
    B

    A (same)
    B
    C
    B (forced)

    D
    E
    E

    F
    F
    G
    G

    H
    H
    I
    I

    Anyways, you see how it is all different? try coming up with a constant rhyme and then work from there. Also try to make your words less forced. It helps to count the beats in a line and stuff (I'm really bad at that, but I hope you will be better!) I dont know, thats just my advice, you dont have to take it.

    But good write none-the-less!
    -Miranda
    | Posted on 2008-02-09 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]


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