Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

summer retreat


Author: CrypticBard
Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 370 /381 /228
Words: 37
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1273
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 294



Description:




summer retreat



thunder storms over summer shore

skim stone ripples smooth

overlaps rain

drops kisses

the river's face

creases sand and leaves

footfalls fade into log cabin

door creaks open then shuts




Submitted on 2008-02-09 16:30:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  very haiku-ish in feel and reduced syntax and all that technomologicalismical stuff.

i thought aussie was a desert? or perhaps you're talking about the queensland rainforests, eh? i'd like to go there one day, and perhaps snorkel/scuba dive around the great barrier reef... not too fond of sharks though (recently swam with a few unknowingly, until my friends told me to get the hell out fast... and i was like what... oh, those dark shadows? thought it was seaweed... oops)...

what a rambly-pambly comment.
~
| Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
  Interesting imagery. It gives a soft, nostalgic emotion without resorting to specific events. It's like a little peak into a memory. Very nice work, thanks for sharing!
| Posted on 2008-02-09 00:00:00 | by saartha | [ Reply to This ]
  Simple and beautiful! I love it and am putting it on my fav's list. My only sugestion is on this line to take out "the"

footfalls fade into the log cabin
| Posted on 2008-02-09 00:00:00 | by ashik | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



157291