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Beauty in the Making


Author: ashik
Elite Ratio:    4.65 - 50 /37 /31
Words: 20
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 881
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 150



Description:




Beauty in the Making



Twisted vines wrap a tree,
Twisting between the leaves;
Turning into one creation.
Sticking bloody thorns in its’ bark.




Submitted on 2008-02-09 18:20:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  There are many short pieces that reveal meanings no thousand verses could. My thoughts go to the tree, and I see the same detailed beauty that you portray, but the last line moves my thoughts to those of destruction, and I feel confused as to the meaning you imply.

That confusion makes me go further than thoughts, and therefore I will comment on more. I think the repetition of the verb "twist" is not to the poem's advantage. It's only four lines, you could easily have found a different word to reflect your emotions. I think the last line does not connect to the three before it, unless what you're trying to get to, in fact, is not "Beauty in the Making". And the apostrophe in "its" should be before the 's' because it's "a tree".

DeepDreamer2008
| Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm really in love with how shirt and to the point this is, but the punctuation kind of...throws me off. I'm not sure HOW to read it...Let me show you how I wanted to read it, and you can correct me, because I'd really like to enjoy this poem to it's fullest extent.

Twisted vines wrap a tree,
Twisting between the leaves;
Turning into one creation.
Sticking bloody thorns in its’ bark.
| Posted on 2008-02-09 00:00:00 | by Renè Magrete | [ Reply to This ]


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