What I think. -------------------------------------------
That is what they say. How can you believe that pile of bull. Even the manslayer cannot love i am no longer her. and i know what loves feels like and that is how i fell now. I didn't want to think about you because it would bring back memeories that i dont like. just like i dont think about raven cuz i dont want to remeber. beacasue when i remember it hurts. you said you started to believe so why stop. i am being honest with you. i wanted to start over but ou keep pulling back deeper into where we were at in the begining. whenver i am honest with you you contradict me. you take my words and twist them or take them out of conext. and when i try to speak you say something that hurts me that i can't reply. why should we keep fighting? i dont want to fight with you anymore. i am tired of it. plus it hurts when i have to defend myself to you. i can't consentrate on anything anymore. because all i think about is you. you are always on my thoughts. and the flashbacks of me and you are...happy to remember but sad at the same time. i do love you still. vene after all this. but i guess you wont love me. you say you do love me but you have no reason to trust me. my mother's words keep ringing in my ears. "Whatever happens happens for a reason. So in teh end it was meant to be." I used to believe that. not anymore. why would what is happening between me and you be hapening for a reason? the Gods must have lost favor with me or i must have lost favor with them. either way i want to stop fighting and start over. i doubt you will let that happen. i know that is we get together again my past will come up. but i can handle it on my own. i am getting stronger. slowly but surely. plus you are useing your ability to protect britt. dont be mad at the things i am saying here. i am telling the truth. I do love you. like i have said time and time again. i have sworn on my parents gaves that i will not hurt you but yet you still dont believe me. evreyone knows, even britt, that when i swear by them i mean every word i say.
Starting from scratch means i will not be ur Bf but a friend till i feel i can trust you. You can say u love me all you want, but till i feel i can trust u i wont say it back. Can u deal with that? I cant give you a time cuz it might take long or it might be short.