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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Remembrance of Lost Booksdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: azurwarrior
    ASL Info:    44/m/SoCal
    Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 86/85/63
    Words: 200
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 541
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1306



    Description:
       When I moved x-country, I was forced to leave behind almost all my books!
    I hope the computer doesn't cut off the title again.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Remembrance of Lost Booksdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Each one containing a world onto itself.
    My world has lost many worlds.
    These worlds are vast book worlds.
    None of these books should be gone.
    They were mine.
    Each deserves its own appreciative reading.
    Each page,
    Each letter,
    The way the paper feels. The way it smells.
    There was a bedraggled threadbare copy
    Of The Works of Robert Browning.
    Bought because it was so old. Though never read.
    Who knows the wonders, Of letters encapsulated there,
    That could enthrall, The reader and possibly change their lives?
    The book had obviously been read many times.
    Perhaps it was a school text..
    I wonder who read it?
    Who are they now?
    How did the book effect their lives?
    Our culture, even.
    Like a pebble thrown in a pond, rippling effects, encompassing all.
    Based on his words. Words are so strong!
    In the beginning there was the Word.
    Did Brownings' readers have a change of attitude, of heart?
    I realize its readers may be long dead.
    I wonder what became of Browning's threadbare book.
    Did some scholarly person stumble upon it?
    Or did some drunken lot, seeing it threadbare,
    Throw it in the fire?




    Submitted on 2008-02-09 23:52:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Okay, far better than the last. It's great how you left it simple and thoughtful, giving the reader a little more detail and feeling. I like the introduction, going into anger "None of these books should be gone.". Wonderful.

    Now that the piece has been edited, I have only a couple of suggestions. In line 7, when you describe the book, I think you should remove "even" because when you say that it means the smell of the page is less important than the feel of the page, when in fact they are intertwined. Then you say "For instance". I know you put that because it's a one of many situation, but since most of your piece refers to that book, you should go straight to saying "There was a bedgraggled threadbare copy...".

    That aside, large improvement. Keep writing.

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      Much better! This is a very good edit.
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by saartha | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Deepdreamer. There's really not any emotion in this, and it could potentially be a very powerful piece. There could be tragedy, sorrow, regret, even comedy.
    You've got a nice enough 'skeletal structure' for this poem. Time to go back and put some meat on it in an edit.
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by saartha | [ Reply to This ]
      Right, before all I should state that I am a first-class bookworm. It started with Harry Potter 1 in 1997 and has never stopped. I know how hard it can be to leave books behind. I'm aching to have the books I read in secondary school library in my hands right now. As for books you always said of "Sure, I'll read it once I'm done with this trilogy" and never did. Those sting.

    However, the piece you've written about them is kind of lacking. I know it's miscellaneous, but we're still talking millions of unread words here. We're talking thousands of perfectly phrased acts of wisdom from characters that later come to define our own. If that's the emotion you really feel, then mister, get it onto paper. It hurts - now tell me how! You haven't even got a decipherable title up there. Come on, azurwarrior, show the world of book-haters what they're missing.

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


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