i read your poem.....
i liked it.....
it was like you touch your emtion and hold it...i really like the fact that when you said:
I go to bed angry, saying words I'd never mean
He comes back regardless of the arrogance he's seen
I realise what an undeserving idiot I've been
And I wonder what I've done for him to be so keen
and it that was put together from what you had been saying earlier but by themselves
and as for what didn't take for me....just as babyblue002 had said it seemed asthough you had forced the rhymes....it would have been better if you had cleverly felt out the sounds of descriptive words and worked them together....but that's just my own opinion...and that was really the only thing wrong...not a fav...but okay to read once for me
Great! Parent or lover, they see you throwing a bad temper and they just realize later that you have a hurt about something, and wish they could help. Next week it's you wishing you could help them with something. This is why I like being a human, but some times crocodile looks more simple.
you are such a hormonal teenager, haha... just giving you crap. but honest crap...
i don't know what to say. it made me giggle actually... like a schoolgirl, haha (sorry, i'm poking fun yet again, my bad).
did you want some nits? sure you do.
i'm sure you meant "lest", not "less"... as in "lest we forget", y'know? such an archaism, but one that's still used in this day and age. and the other nit was "mine asleep meet"... weird syntax for the sake of rhyme d.d, tsk tsk, haha. i'm sure you could tweak this so it 'flows' a bit more normally, as in more everyday-type speech, y'dig?
but hey, just my poopy opinions...
and a very relatable poem to a lot of people in your situation (i think boys call them "wet dreams")...
Every paren knows that their child must become angry at some things. It is the art of growing the feel of emotions. the parent knows the child is not abusive to authority, it's only an expression of a child trying to know how to express dissatisfaction. The parent also knows that unkind words do make someone feel out of touch with love. The "I'm scared " stanza was very down to earth lovely.
It emoted me to tears.
great poem, i think all the good things have been highlighted in the previous comments. I really like the combination of the italicized lines at the end. It always gives a kind of twist to the poem. Like the realization, suddenly it all comes together.
Love is like water and we thirst for it. You feel so good inside, when you know someone love you, so
A superbly written poem, with deep passion, power and pain. Poem possesses bold colors and bright tones. Poem sings with resonance. Poem possesses imagery, clarity and coherency. I really enjoy reading your technically writing, as well as your create writing skills. Keep sharing
I love this poem, it's not only well written, but also very original.
I liked the fact that everyone can understand what you meant with this poem, because you described it all so well, but at the same time you didn't say it all, just enough. You know? Like you used just the right words.