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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Depression Depressiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SanctityExposed
    ASL Info:    25
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 48/66/40
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 783
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1029



    Description:
       A Line-By-Line poem completed by myself and StellarTotem a.k.a. Bryan. The rhyme scheme isn't flush throughout, but instead...veers off. Unique. A story about a well, poisoning it's home.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDepression Depressiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    The well that was in Aberlean
    Pure and Clean
    Caused the death of many.
    This was no wishing well turned by pennies...
    Greed and spite flowed from it's lip
    How it hated the town's gossip.
    It poisoned folk and children rare
    Fueled plants that grew poisonous pears.
    Since centuries past, the well grew meaner
    It bubbles with corruption
    And war raged over the deathly well
    "To Gods, this well's destruction!"
    In the name of Aberlean, they yelled.
    Relinquish or Retain
    The monstrous callous wrought on the land
    Raked by triumphant hands.
    "Our homes, pillaged by God's own!"
    The fearless farmers cried.
    "To each man prone,
    we mustn't lose what we so perilously had to hone."
    So with one moon's night, they dug into the ill earth,
    A demonic excavation,
    And removed the well, who's wrath had devil inclinations.




    Submitted on 2008-02-10 13:03:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Well, to tell the truth I'm not sure the line-by-line scheme was to this poem's best advantage. It hardly comes off as "serious" in my opinion. The description got me expecting something much more professional, because the theme of the poem has such grand potential.

    The present outcome, however, shows simple vocabulary forced into place by rhyme that doesn't flow, broken up a dozen different times, and a series of events that hold no anticipation what-so-ever.

    I'm sorry to be harsh, but I expected much more, and I suggest each of you and StellarTortem take the time to write your own piece on the same theme, compare and then perhaps entwine.

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


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