Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Risedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 230/390/136
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 955
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 408



    Description:
       Alternative title: A Monday-evening rainstorm, when I realized I could no longer understand you and felt more lonely than ever before.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    you hum
    like the murmurings
    of an ancient god
    after the divine lights of Valhalla
    and Olympus have been
    extinguished

    the silent spaces
    between raindrops
    have taken you to places
    I canít follow

    earthbound, I watch
    you scale lightning to try
    and teach thunder to speak

    It only learned to scream.




    Submitted on 2008-02-10 13:29:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the alternative title makes me sad. its perfect in that it is hiding between every word and behind every word and between letters and everything... it seems to be the whole energy of the piece... even if that title werent there it would still be what i would have read.


    i notice your pieces quite often refer to ancient gods and/or mythological stories. i have come to adore that. my understanding and remembering of greek mythology is so retardedly basic and yet you always make it so that i feel like i know something no one else knows... the way you slip things into your pieces...

    to hear the silence between raindrops... wow... im feeling left out because i dont know if i will ever be able to hear that... and its hard when you realise that you are listening to a different rhythm... when you want something to work and yet you realise that neither of you are on the same book let alone the same page...

    you know that ben folds five song brick... and shes alone and im alone and now i know it... thats what i feel/think when i read this...
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      wow.

    this is a stunning image.

    the bit about scaling lightning is profound, at least i view it as such.

    and the end, a very good finish.

    you've done well with this piece, and i hope you continue to do well in the future.

    i'd offer crit, but there's nothing here to complain about, the simplicity of form, and complexity of feeling make it just right.

    ~KRG
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems as if someone dear has taken it upon their shoulders to look onto the greater good, but all that you see comes out of it is pain.

    I could explain in detail what made me come to such a specific conclusion, but I'd rather know whether my theory is correct before doing so. Who you're speaking of remains anonymous, but whoever it is has led you to frustration. Artistic choice of words.

    DeepDreamer2008

    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      "you hum", yes. i, myself have used the word hum to try and get across the picture of everything which is god or connected. i love that.
    i think maybe one could follow if one learned to be as silent as the spaces between raindrops. not sure if that is your point in any way but i am convinced that life is just so loud these days "the hum" gets lost. maybe we expect too much that god or whatever you choose to name it should keep up, at our pace, ya know. we think our time is the only time.
    hmmm... the last little bit i'm not sure i'm grasping. i suppose again the screaming could have something to do with the silence or could also be disobedience? hmmm...
    well anyway this is nice.(sad too, a little)
    i really like the alternative title.
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by eno1 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    157334

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry