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    dots Submission Name: Risedots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 230/393/145
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1228
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 408

       Alternative title: A Monday-evening rainstorm, when I realized I could no longer understand you and felt more lonely than ever before.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    you hum
    like the murmurings
    of an ancient god
    after the divine lights of Valhalla
    and Olympus have been

    the silent spaces
    between raindrops
    have taken you to places
    I canít follow

    earthbound, I watch
    you scale lightning to try
    and teach thunder to speak

    It only learned to scream.

    Submitted on 2008-02-10 13:29:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      the alternative title makes me sad. its perfect in that it is hiding between every word and behind every word and between letters and everything... it seems to be the whole energy of the piece... even if that title werent there it would still be what i would have read.

    i notice your pieces quite often refer to ancient gods and/or mythological stories. i have come to adore that. my understanding and remembering of greek mythology is so retardedly basic and yet you always make it so that i feel like i know something no one else knows... the way you slip things into your pieces...

    to hear the silence between raindrops... wow... im feeling left out because i dont know if i will ever be able to hear that... and its hard when you realise that you are listening to a different rhythm... when you want something to work and yet you realise that neither of you are on the same book let alone the same page...

    you know that ben folds five song brick... and shes alone and im alone and now i know it... thats what i feel/think when i read this...
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    this is a stunning image.

    the bit about scaling lightning is profound, at least i view it as such.

    and the end, a very good finish.

    you've done well with this piece, and i hope you continue to do well in the future.

    i'd offer crit, but there's nothing here to complain about, the simplicity of form, and complexity of feeling make it just right.

    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems as if someone dear has taken it upon their shoulders to look onto the greater good, but all that you see comes out of it is pain.

    I could explain in detail what made me come to such a specific conclusion, but I'd rather know whether my theory is correct before doing so. Who you're speaking of remains anonymous, but whoever it is has led you to frustration. Artistic choice of words.


    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      "you hum", yes. i, myself have used the word hum to try and get across the picture of everything which is god or connected. i love that.
    i think maybe one could follow if one learned to be as silent as the spaces between raindrops. not sure if that is your point in any way but i am convinced that life is just so loud these days "the hum" gets lost. maybe we expect too much that god or whatever you choose to name it should keep up, at our pace, ya know. we think our time is the only time.
    hmmm... the last little bit i'm not sure i'm grasping. i suppose again the screaming could have something to do with the silence or could also be disobedience? hmmm...
    well anyway this is nice.(sad too, a little)
    i really like the alternative title.
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by eno1 | [ Reply to This ]

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