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    dots Submission Name: Untitleddots

    Author: Morsketch
    ASL Info:    21/F/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 27/26/26
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 783
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 830


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Disconnected humanity,
    Still looking for its sanity,
    God is n-o-w-h-e-r-e,
    See him at six and eleven.

    Running ‘round robotically,
    Looking for some sympathy,
    Suicide.com says:
    Call 5561871 for help.

    Find a more constructive vice,
    Talking to a faceless voice,
    No need for names,
    Still hurting?

    Pfizer has a pill for that,
    Budweiser has a drink for that,
    McDonalds has a meal for that,
    I have a special trick for that.

    Read your ad,
    Thought we’d fuck,
    Online, in person,
    All I need’s a couple bucks.

    But pass a person in the street,
    Look away, no need to meet,
    Awkward glances at your feet,
    Whatever you do, don’t touch me.

    Submitted on 2008-02-10 15:07:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this. I think a lot of people would find it too disconcerting, but that seems to pretty much be the point of it, and I think it works well. The kind of stilted jumps from line to line really keeps the reader on edge and working to take in the poem. But it's good. You might get some people saying it's too hard to read, but that's because most people don't want to work at reading anymore, so it's their own fault for not being able to appreciate good work.
    Only thing that kind of put me off was the 'vice' and 'voice' they don't really rhyme, so it put me off a little
    Nicely done I think.
    Regards, Kalinda
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]

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