Description: I'm comparing the truth with the living dead. No matter how dead the truth might be, it will always scare us to death that it will reappear. I don't know....hope you like it.
It's My Pain Against Yours -------------------------------------------
I have enough strength to tell you
The bits of truth I buried in my soul
The times it raised from the dead
And the amount of times I fought it.
I’ve struggled with the confusion
Of why I had to keep it a secret
Why they couldn’t walk beside me
Why I couldn’t keep my world simple.
Yet I’ve created this turbulence
That shall seek me wherever I go
And shall haunt what I live for
Until there is no more reason left.
I am constantly awake at night
Frightened to be exposed by truth
With flesh still fresh from ground
Eyes too shallow for understanding
Wounds too wide to be healed
Unbalanced walks from darkness
No mind to think or have control;
Shadows are roaming everywhere.
Yet it’s my creation I run from
For I believed the choice was right,
Took no time to watch the fine print,
Now, it’s ceaselessly after me.
I’ve managed to keep it buried
For the longest moments of time
But I’ve become so exhausted
Fighting them has lost meaning.
I have enough strength to tell you
What I have been longing to say
But choking on the words persist
It’s my pain I shall keep carrying.
Yea I'm going to have to agree. It was hard for me to grasp alot of meaning from this. I got the general idea but I feel like you plugged alot more in there that didnt get across.
Also the lines just didnt flow well with me. I liked alot of the word choice and images but it just seemed that it didnt flow, reading one line to the next. Thats just my opinion.
Okay, it's an extremely ambiguous piece so there's no meaning I can grasp from it other than the obvious: you're having an inner fight on whether to conceal or reveal the truth. The imagery is convenient - I didn't get bored. And the setting is symmetrical with the most of your frustration in the middle stanza. Nice.
There are two things I would perhaps alter. The first is in the first stanza "The times it raised from the dead". Did the "truth" raise "times" or are you talking about the number of times it rose from the dead? If you meant the latter, you sould replace "raised" with "rose" for linguistic perfection. The second comment is in the last stanza "But choking on the words persist". That doesn't really make sense. Maybe something like "But choking on words, they persist" would get your meaning without affecting the flow..?
Submission Name: It's My Pain Against Yours
