[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Your Facedots

    Author: Jakirina
    ASL Info:    19/F/WI
    Elite Ratio:    3.69 - 216/200/80
    Words: 301
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 491
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3252


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Facedots

    It was a memory,
    hidden in cloud, yet
    when I painted
    your form
         amongst delicate
         cotton whisps with
         my fingers

    it came to me.

    Perhaps it had
    all ready been there,
    the softness of your skin
         from this mystic fog,
         the body of your nose
         delicate beneath

    my trembling fingers.

    Your lips warm
    the color of a smile
         from my heart

         despite this cold
         fragile shroud.

    I paint more
    releasing the shape
         of your cheeks

         and neck,
         the spill of your hair,

    your creaseless brow
    and your dark lashes
         jutting out from your eyes

         like barbwire,
         which will not open.

    You still seem
    as if you breathe.
    As if I could taste
    your essence
         if my lips trembled
         near yours.
         If I didnít touch

    they would touch mine.

    As if in closing my eyes
    you would open your own.
    As if we could be together
         one in darkness
         the other in light
         our souls

    only meeting at each turning point.

    It is there
    in my dreams.
         Each night

         day, hour, I paint
         the whisps cling

    like webs
    to your flesh
         Each time

         a part of you

    into steel fibers
    of cloud.
         Until only this remains.

         Soon it will be gone
         in memory.

    I run my arms through
    your hair, tangling my wrists,
    twisting and tightening until
    my blood coats each strand.
         I press my forehead
         to your own.

    my own cursed cloud to cling to me.

    Suffocate me
    in strengthening fibers,
    impale me with its cold
    meld my flesh to yours.
         in my own mind
         I cannot die.

    Please open your eyes.

    Submitted on 2008-02-10 18:45:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    this is a very beautiful poem. I must say it is very sad but well written. I like the story you are telling. Memories are very important but we cant live our life in a memory. If I am not wrong this is what this poem was all about.

    It is like a very nice painting. Very well done

    With love

    | Posted on 2008-04-15 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, i really liked this. i'm not sure that my interpretation was the same that you had in mind, but I really liked the imagery you used, I could almost see the story you were creating, I really liked this stanza:

    As if in closing my eyes
    you would open your own.
    As if we could be together
    one in darkness
    the other in light
    our souls

    I thought it had a really interesting feel to it.
    But yeah, I really liked this piece, I don't usually read the longer ones, but this kept me interested the whole way through.
    Hope to see more from you
    Regards, Kalinda
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]