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    dots Submission Name: any worddots

    Author: taintedsmiles
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 64/90/75
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 710
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1262

       don't write shit that ain't going to help me..if ya don't like it..then don't write anything

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsany worddots

    type type
    so shun me from any
    apathetic word
    hide me from
    any meaningful
    type type
    two taps..
    a life
    a game
    a romance story
    a metaphoric simile
    a time to stop and read
    to a combination of
    to create a creation
    to write that perfect meaning
    a meaning a thought a reason
    to be heard
    what meaning really means something
    if nothing
    means anything
    at all...
    if all this in a matter of seconds
    spoken and heard
    just another thought process written down
    typed into words
    a feeling
    feel me...in your ears in your mind
    just to forget
    forget in couple of days
    what it meant, felt, or even was
    you'll forget it...
    it doesn't matter
    won't matter what you have to say
    you can't speak of feeling felt
    you can only feel it for yourself
    so any apathetic word
    keep it
    cuz i'll forget it

    Submitted on 2008-02-11 16:47:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This reads more like a spoken word competition piece. It needs to be performed, not read because your emotion doesn't transfer onto the paper as well as it would in the cadence of the voice. The way it's written it makes me think you are trying to convey something spoken, rather than written, like when I try to talk myself through a difficult decision. Perform it.
    | Posted on 2008-02-12 00:00:00 | by Pursuitoflife | [ Reply to This ]
      .Well tried. There is potential there only get it in line and put it in orderly fashion. Enough thought incorporated but not actually said. I get the drift of it. Denting the paper and swaying this way that way, Put this together and Yep! Some stunning piece will come out. Regards. Joachim.
    | Posted on 2008-02-12 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      I think under the lack of punctuation and grammatical errors is a nugget of potential. The ideas expresed are vague enough that the reader has some say in the outcome, which is a technique I enjoy. And while I think you were going for a stream-of-consciousness quality to your poem, I think that can be accomplished better if maybe you incorporated a few more things. Think about your own thoughts. Don't you ever think in capitals? Or dashes. A dash can be a very slick thing. Just consider it.

    I definitely think you need to write out 'because' rather than, 'cuz'...it has such an imature quality about it that makes it very abrassive to the reader. Try some polishing. Can't wait to see how this turns out.
    | Posted on 2008-02-11 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]

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