Description: don't write shit that ain't going to help me..if ya don't like it..then don't write anything
any word -------------------------------------------
so shun me from any
hide me from
a romance story
a metaphoric simile
a time to stop and read
to a combination of
to create a creation
to write that perfect meaning
a meaning a thought a reason
to be heard
what meaning really means something
if all this in a matter of seconds
spoken and heard
just another thought process written down
typed into words
feel me...in your ears in your mind
just to forget
forget in couple of days
what it meant, felt, or even was
you'll forget it...
it doesn't matter
won't matter what you have to say
you can't speak of feeling felt
you can only feel it for yourself
so any apathetic word
cuz i'll forget it
This reads more like a spoken word competition piece. It needs to be performed, not read because your emotion doesn't transfer onto the paper as well as it would in the cadence of the voice. The way it's written it makes me think you are trying to convey something spoken, rather than written, like when I try to talk myself through a difficult decision. Perform it.
.Well tried. There is potential there only get it in line and put it in orderly fashion. Enough thought incorporated but not actually said. I get the drift of it. Denting the paper and swaying this way that way, Put this together and Yep! Some stunning piece will come out. Regards. Joachim.
I think under the lack of punctuation and grammatical errors is a nugget of potential. The ideas expresed are vague enough that the reader has some say in the outcome, which is a technique I enjoy. And while I think you were going for a stream-of-consciousness quality to your poem, I think that can be accomplished better if maybe you incorporated a few more things. Think about your own thoughts. Don't you ever think in capitals? Or dashes. A dash can be a very slick thing. Just consider it.
I definitely think you need to write out 'because' rather than, 'cuz'...it has such an imature quality about it that makes it very abrassive to the reader. Try some polishing. Can't wait to see how this turns out.