Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: So Click Your Red Shoes Dorothydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Flowerinbloom
    ASL Info:    22/M/Earth (I think)
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 700/559/123
    Words: 245
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 781
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1645



    Description:
       For Manuella from a friend who could not be there in your darkest time.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo Click Your Red Shoes Dorothydots
    -------------------------------------------


    You followed him here, to nowhere,
    to a dark room full of hopelessness
    and old needles in the corner.
    You stand watching him
    collapse to the floor,
    pulling his salvation from his pocket
    and introducing it to his arm.

    It's not a life you wanted.
    You never dreamt of this day,
    yet you can't escape.
    Deliverance is for those who seek it
    and you're not trying to get away.
    He offers his heaven to you
    and you take it with trembling hands.

    It kisses your arms
    and your tears dont numb the pain.
    He's laughing at you,
    telling you to breathe slow.
    You try to tell your heart
    but it doesn't listen to you anymore.
    Betrayal turned it against you.

    The hurt is screaming now
    and numbness claims your feet.
    Concern sweeps him
    but he doesn't try to catch you.
    He's up now and backing away slowly.
    You reach for him
    but he's already gone.

    The pain is crippling and you're all alone.
    You scream with your lungs
    but words won't come.
    You close your eyes
    to make the dream go away
    but the pain is real
    and it won't let go.

    The white rabbit was too hard to resist
    and now he's left you in his hole
    and he's left you all alone.
    You're wishing you didn't come,
    wishing you didn't run.
    If only you could click your red shoes Dorothy
    then you would be home.




    Submitted on 2008-02-11 17:23:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is full on fantastic imagery, the sweeping verse and rhythm draw you in very well.
    The ending is very neatly done, the reference to the two innocent Disney movies in such a macarbre poem gives it that little bit more sinister nature.
    | Posted on 2009-08-18 00:00:00 | by fictionalfiend | [ Reply to This ]
      It's haunting this piece, the way it grabs and pulls you in, cascading you with emotions most would run away from. How do you do it?

    Correy
    | Posted on 2008-02-11 00:00:00 | by AnotherNobody | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    157412

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Dream written by closetpoet
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry