Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: So Click Your Red Shoes Dorothydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Flowerinbloom
    ASL Info:    22/M/Earth (I think)
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 700/559/123
    Words: 245
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 841
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1645



    Description:
       For Manuella from a friend who could not be there in your darkest time.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo Click Your Red Shoes Dorothydots
    -------------------------------------------


    You followed him here, to nowhere,
    to a dark room full of hopelessness
    and old needles in the corner.
    You stand watching him
    collapse to the floor,
    pulling his salvation from his pocket
    and introducing it to his arm.

    It's not a life you wanted.
    You never dreamt of this day,
    yet you can't escape.
    Deliverance is for those who seek it
    and you're not trying to get away.
    He offers his heaven to you
    and you take it with trembling hands.

    It kisses your arms
    and your tears dont numb the pain.
    He's laughing at you,
    telling you to breathe slow.
    You try to tell your heart
    but it doesn't listen to you anymore.
    Betrayal turned it against you.

    The hurt is screaming now
    and numbness claims your feet.
    Concern sweeps him
    but he doesn't try to catch you.
    He's up now and backing away slowly.
    You reach for him
    but he's already gone.

    The pain is crippling and you're all alone.
    You scream with your lungs
    but words won't come.
    You close your eyes
    to make the dream go away
    but the pain is real
    and it won't let go.

    The white rabbit was too hard to resist
    and now he's left you in his hole
    and he's left you all alone.
    You're wishing you didn't come,
    wishing you didn't run.
    If only you could click your red shoes Dorothy
    then you would be home.




    Submitted on 2008-02-11 17:23:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is full on fantastic imagery, the sweeping verse and rhythm draw you in very well.
    The ending is very neatly done, the reference to the two innocent Disney movies in such a macarbre poem gives it that little bit more sinister nature.
    | Posted on 2009-08-18 00:00:00 | by fictionalfiend | [ Reply to This ]
      It's haunting this piece, the way it grabs and pulls you in, cascading you with emotions most would run away from. How do you do it?

    Correy
    | Posted on 2008-02-11 00:00:00 | by AnotherNobody | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    157412

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Push written by JanePlane
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Wavelength written by saartha
    To written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Giving written by jjd
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry