Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: So Click Your Red Shoes Dorothydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Flowerinbloom
    ASL Info:    22/M/Earth (I think)
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 700/559/123
    Words: 245
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 862
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1645



    Description:
       For Manuella from a friend who could not be there in your darkest time.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo Click Your Red Shoes Dorothydots
    -------------------------------------------


    You followed him here, to nowhere,
    to a dark room full of hopelessness
    and old needles in the corner.
    You stand watching him
    collapse to the floor,
    pulling his salvation from his pocket
    and introducing it to his arm.

    It's not a life you wanted.
    You never dreamt of this day,
    yet you can't escape.
    Deliverance is for those who seek it
    and you're not trying to get away.
    He offers his heaven to you
    and you take it with trembling hands.

    It kisses your arms
    and your tears dont numb the pain.
    He's laughing at you,
    telling you to breathe slow.
    You try to tell your heart
    but it doesn't listen to you anymore.
    Betrayal turned it against you.

    The hurt is screaming now
    and numbness claims your feet.
    Concern sweeps him
    but he doesn't try to catch you.
    He's up now and backing away slowly.
    You reach for him
    but he's already gone.

    The pain is crippling and you're all alone.
    You scream with your lungs
    but words won't come.
    You close your eyes
    to make the dream go away
    but the pain is real
    and it won't let go.

    The white rabbit was too hard to resist
    and now he's left you in his hole
    and he's left you all alone.
    You're wishing you didn't come,
    wishing you didn't run.
    If only you could click your red shoes Dorothy
    then you would be home.




    Submitted on 2008-02-11 17:23:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is full on fantastic imagery, the sweeping verse and rhythm draw you in very well.
    The ending is very neatly done, the reference to the two innocent Disney movies in such a macarbre poem gives it that little bit more sinister nature.
    | Posted on 2009-08-18 00:00:00 | by fictionalfiend | [ Reply to This ]
      It's haunting this piece, the way it grabs and pulls you in, cascading you with emotions most would run away from. How do you do it?

    Correy
    | Posted on 2008-02-11 00:00:00 | by AnotherNobody | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    157412

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    ... written by Daniel Barlow
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    ME written by jjd
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Legends written by poetotoe
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Instances written by hyproglo
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry