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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Don't Walk Any Furtherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: UnderlinedInRed
    ASL Info:    16/f/Beijing
    Elite Ratio:    4.16 - 177/240/109
    Words: 177
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 98
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1128



    Description:
       Kind of a rant, but it rhymes. Tell me what you think, PLEASE.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDon't Walk Any Furtherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    DON'T you dare pretend you know what to do.
    Like you know what I'm going through.
    Don't pretend like things will be alright,
    I know they won't, but I'll put up the fight.
    Don't pretend to listen when you are turning away.
    I know you aren't here, and I know you wont stay.

    Don't tell me things you think I want to hear.
    Theres nothing that could stop my tears.
    Don't hold me when I fight you off.
    I want to run, its just to tough.

    STOP talking, I've heard enough.
    I should be made of stronger stuff.
    I should be able to hold my own.
    Coping skills I full well know.
    I know you mean well.
    But your face has a different tell.
    Like you just want this for yourself,
    To take advantage of what is left.

    Well NO, I won't give in.
    To your dreadful sin.
    No, I won't let go
    Of the past you pretend to know.
    So stop, don't walk any further.
    I'll handle this, as I have, forever.




    Submitted on 2008-02-12 07:04:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I want to run, its just [to] tough. = too


    i dont mean to sound harsh and horrid but i feel i have read this before... many times before. it seems like everyone has to write a piece/s like this when they first start out exploring their emotions through words.
    maybe go and read some other pieces that say exactly the same thing and work out what it is that makes them all the same and try make your voice different from theirs...?

    one redeeming feature of this piece is the DONT STOP NO and the way, if punctuated, it could say a number of different things...
    the title says 'dont walk any further' and yet throughout the piece you are telling the person to leave you be... to stop thinking they can fix it... to take their sympathy and bugger off which contradicts the title in my eyes and the DONT STOP NO can be brought in to enhance either the title or the body of work... its interesting.

    good luck... i hope things get easier
    | Posted on 2008-02-12 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      . Well this is straight forward though. The script tells of yet another `forlorn heart`. You tell it well and I hope you stay steadfast. I am actually looking for something else than broken hearts to share. In ES that is apparently not so easy to find. Keep up the fight and stay well. Joachim.
    | Posted on 2008-02-12 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]



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