and remembers why you were born ------this is what I intensely absorbed. Love is the reason for everything, my conclusion would be you wanted to tell us that we shouldn't use mind just the heart when falling into love. I don't know... I wouldn't change it. It is innocent the way it is.
I haven't been able to write much lately. I can blame working nights or a lack of inspiration, but in the end it seems to come down to intent, or lack therof. Do I just want praise? Do I even have any intent? Why would I want to do that? To clear my head? To figure out what my own thoughts are?
Muddied intent leads to a lack of momentum.
Um, yeah. Suggestion box:
Source don't need be capital, the religious tone is already ever-present from the first mention of angels ( ie don't be Ronswords)
I like parables in parabola.
So anyway, this speaks to me on a personal level. It also says something about faith/confidence, which are related to intent: if you believe in something without doubt, your intent will be wholehearted. yay!
I typically like assonance but the ands and plan seem too close together. I like "Angels drops their plans to listen,
And every wish is granted.
Over all I like it. Part of me is lazy I think it's because my ego would prefer a slower approach if we all make it why worry what's our hurry. The forgetfulness struck me as the innocence of a ne incarnation a slate wiped clean. At the end a necessary reinder to pay attention not to waste our lives.
peace
I'm kind of really happy this piece was not lost to net ether land. I really don have much if anything to add that someone else hasnt said. Not to mention like J you know I can be the unnessisary rambeler.. Though I think the strongest point of comment would be the one Someones Epiphany, just a little movement in the lines to encourage the reader to believe, in themselves, rather than look for answers from others. Anyhow, nice to see you here.
this line here seems a little hard to get out for me... i dont know... the idea is stellar but the saying it part is kinda hard though it could just be me.
i would be tempted to have 'listen' the final word of the piece as its own stanza almost... to set it apart from the words before it would give it more command... would almost instruct the reader to believe that what you have said is true and that they ought to listen for it themselves instead of merely believing you...
this is a beautiful piece nan... when your intent is pure and your heart is in tune... that is when the beauty happens. kinda self empowering in a humble kind of way i think...
of parables in parabola... what a thought-inducing statement. just with that line i think of... arcs, wisdom, how it all connects, how it swings by infinitesimal degrees upwards, then down low, and perhaps higher than ever before... and you've just described life's learning curves to me.
shall i go on? nah, i'm a notorious blabber, you know that already.
"no one will remember,
but the sages among the stars
have become your guides
listen"
i just put in the comma and a space before your last line. i think it makes it more powerful when you put that space there. just a suggestion if you think it might work for you.
this is a keeper! beautiful words to live by. you're so gifted with words and expressing the depths of your soul... thank you for sharing you with us!
Submission Name: the renaissance of lore
