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    dots Submission Name: the renaissance of loredots

    Author: nansofast
    Elite Ratio:    5.7 - 2351/2103/268
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1935
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 790


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe renaissance of loredots

    when your intent is pure
    the angels drop their plans and listen
    and every wish granted
    is the dream your soul planned
    within your imagination

    when your heart listens to its Source
    every deed opens portals of love
    and remembers why you were born
    for love is the reason for everyone

    every drop of rain and ocean
    seed and earth is planted with
    spirit's hope for your return
    to a heaven that shines through you

    this is paradise
    and in the struggle for life and lore
    you write your own history
    of parables in parabola

    no one will remember
    but the sages among the stars
    have become your guides

    Submitted on 2008-02-12 21:54:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      and remembers why you were born ------this is what I intensely absorbed. Love is the reason for everything, my conclusion would be you wanted to tell us that we shouldn't use mind just the heart when falling into love. I don't know... I wouldn't change it. It is innocent the way it is.
    | Posted on 2009-06-22 00:00:00 | by IvanaIvana | [ Reply to This ]
      Please, God, let my intent be pure.

    I haven't been able to write much lately. I can blame working nights or a lack of inspiration, but in the end it seems to come down to intent, or lack therof. Do I just want praise? Do I even have any intent? Why would I want to do that? To clear my head? To figure out what my own thoughts are?

    Muddied intent leads to a lack of momentum.

    Um, yeah. Suggestion box:

    Source don't need be capital, the religious tone is already ever-present from the first mention of angels ( ie don't be Ronswords)

    I like parables in parabola.

    So anyway, this speaks to me on a personal level. It also says something about faith/confidence, which are related to intent: if you believe in something without doubt, your intent will be wholehearted. yay!
    | Posted on 2008-07-29 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      I typically like assonance but the ands and plan seem too close together. I like "Angels drops their plans to listen,
    And every wish is granted.
    Over all I like it. Part of me is lazy I think it's because my ego would prefer a slower approach if we all make it why worry what's our hurry. The forgetfulness struck me as the innocence of a ne incarnation a slate wiped clean. At the end a necessary reinder to pay attention not to waste our lives.
    | Posted on 2008-02-14 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi here Nan,

    I'm kind of really happy this piece was not lost to net ether land. I really don have much if anything to add that someone else hasnt said. Not to mention like J you know I can be the unnessisary rambeler.. Though I think the strongest point of comment would be the one Someones Epiphany, just a little movement in the lines to encourage the reader to believe, in themselves, rather than look for answers from others. Anyhow, nice to see you here.

    Hugs n love,

    Di, andz, armada
    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by Andz | [ Reply to This ]
      of parables in parabola

    this line here seems a little hard to get out for me... i dont know... the idea is stellar but the saying it part is kinda hard though it could just be me.

    i would be tempted to have 'listen' the final word of the piece as its own stanza almost... to set it apart from the words before it would give it more command... would almost instruct the reader to believe that what you have said is true and that they ought to listen for it themselves instead of merely believing you...

    this is a beautiful piece nan... when your intent is pure and your heart is in tune... that is when the beauty happens. kinda self empowering in a humble kind of way i think...

    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      of parables in parabola... what a thought-inducing statement. just with that line i think of... arcs, wisdom, how it all connects, how it swings by infinitesimal degrees upwards, then down low, and perhaps higher than ever before... and you've just described life's learning curves to me.

    shall i go on? nah, i'm a notorious blabber, you know that already.

    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      just beautiful Nan. my only suggestion:

    "no one will remember,
    but the sages among the stars
    have become your guides


    i just put in the comma and a space before your last line. i think it makes it more powerful when you put that space there. just a suggestion if you think it might work for you.

    this is a keeper! beautiful words to live by. you're so gifted with words and expressing the depths of your soul... thank you for sharing you with us!

    | Posted on 2008-02-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      So I misread the third line as "every wish is granted" before posting my comment. Getting old am I.
    | Posted on 2008-02-12 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      4th line, maybe add "this" or "such" at the beginning?

    a parabola of parables

    but sages among the stars

    I personally don't much like the idea that "no one will remember". I will.

    I'm playing, which means I like it a lot. Please forgive all meddling monks.
    | Posted on 2008-02-12 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

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