Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Frozen Grassdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MC white
    ASL Info:    20/Male/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 71/73/45
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 607
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 844



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFrozen Grassdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Out a window, whose edges were frosted
    I stared for hours it seemed.
    Letting my eyes play over the concrete sidewalks
    made even harder to my eyes by their brisk dusting of snow.
    Behind my eyes my mind played a game with me, where it asked me if I was ready to believe that my grandmother was dead, or if I'd rather keep pretending that by standing alone in a stairway, looking out an ancient university window that I could keep the tears, which were sliding down my nose, from coming.
    The window's caulking was old and the cold leaked through like a cancer, wisps chilling my cheeks and lacing around my fingers as they lay clenching the pane.
    I loved her, and it was in this moment of frozen grass and untimely death that I realized it.

    Not before. And for that I am ashamed.




    Submitted on 2008-02-13 00:49:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What a wonderful piece. I could feel the tears and remorse in every word. Great write. Jerilynn
    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by Jerilynn | [ Reply to This ]
      This is REALLY good. This piece paints such a picture in my minds eye. I also really like how even though its such a specific situation, yet it is easy to relate to. I also really like the last line because it seems the perfect way to end the piece.

    Sarah
    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by Selene | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    157489

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry