Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Antiquedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SanctityExposed
    ASL Info:    25
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 48/66/40
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1210



    Description:
       Something not so good, not so bad. Just a piece I wrote while at work. I can't do rhyming poetry, so I thought I'd just take another whack at it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAntiquedots
    -------------------------------------------


    There was a house
    Nestled in trees
    Who stood with such beauty
    It was hard to believe.

    Couples moved in,
    Singles moved out.
    The house grew empty
    Hollow halls throughout.

    "It's haunted!" They'd say
    Frightened and dramatic.
    Realtors were surprised
    "There's something in the attic!"

    Days they searched,
    Nothing to be found.
    "There's something up there!"
    And they stood, foot to ground.

    Until one rainy day
    A lady of sixty plus
    Came to see the house...
    "This house, have it, I must!"

    The "For Sale" sign came down
    And the elder moved in.
    Here she stayed, and told
    Stories about how it began.

    "You see, this house is special
    It belonged to my mother."
    The lady smiled, remembering now
    "This house won't choose another."

    So the woman stayed long,
    Well, she stayed until her death.
    The house seemed to die along,
    Creaking it's last happy breath.




    Submitted on 2008-02-13 10:56:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      If you want to write rhyming poetry then the first place to start is with the meter. Once you have the rhythm right the rhymes are much easier and flow very nicely. That isn't to say that the meter has to be fixed throughout - it can be flexible - but the lines within stanzas will work better if they follow certain patterns. I'm sure you know what you mean. You read a line of poetry and it takes too long, or cuts too suddenly and you're left thinking it just doesn't sound right.

    I haven't read any of your other stuff so I'm not sure if you are doing any of the other things I suggest already but if you struggle with such strict rhyming poetry, why not ease into it? Maybe start with adding half and full rhymes here and there, adding them where they seem to work and cutting them where they don't, finding a feel for the rhyme and how it works for you. I have a lot of trouble when I say to myself 'this line must rhyme with this one' and set myself a pattern but if I just set out to write I sometimes end up with rhyming poetry I'm really happy with.

    Hope at least something in there ^ is useful Ultimately, if you want to get better at it, just keep going (or wait 'til some inspiration bites)
    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]
      So the house killed one member of a couple? Or they divorced? Or maybe both? Hm...I'm questioning and that's a good thing!



    This poem stirred a bit of my insides into a fine soup that would be perfect on a cold, winter day. It brought comfort, a feeling I hope you were trying to portray?


    It messes with your feelings a bit, wondering how the house could be so cruel, why someone would write a poem of a haunted house. Then, it throws you into a chair, jumps in your lap and hugs you and cuddles close by the fire.


    Rambling, I know, but that's just what I felt when reading it.


    It was very pleasing.
    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by Renč Magrete | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    157511

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry