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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You Kiss, I'll Telldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Suven7
    ASL Info:    18 female Fla
    Elite Ratio:    7.1 - 477/259/47
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Prose/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 64
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1056



    Description:
       This is about the kiss and I'll tell relationship some older siblings have with their younger siblings. It pays special tribute to older siblings who are especially watchful and protective of their younger counterparts.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou Kiss, I'll Telldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Mine eyes have seen
    The maniacs.
    Cuddling, closer than
    Close,
    Kissing maniacs.

    My eyes burn ‘til now.
    I’ve taken off my contacts
    And donned on my
    Glasses and, still, they
    Burn.

    I can feel red lines.
    Red lines poking
    Every which way from
    The pupils of my eyes;
    A symptom of the disease
    Of having seen something
    Disturbing and appalling
    And maniacal.

    They would have went on,
    Blissfully, I’m sure of it
    Had I not materialized
    Undetected in the hall.

    The burning sensation
    Refuses to depart.
    I feel it everywhere
    All at once.

    They stopped, froze
    Actually. And smiled
    Awkwardly at the
    Cold, hard slab
    That my face had become.

    My head ached as
    I dished them a blatant
    Stare. One that said:
    Your older sister saw,
    And Mama’s gonna know.





    Submitted on 2008-02-13 17:42:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, the first 3 stanzas definitely made me chuckle, okay laugh....

    the way you described your eyeballs and how it looked was just so good it really captured waht you look like everytime you look at me.

    The repetition of the word "maniac" was very powerful...I can feel your hate or anger definitely.

    The second line was good because you really expressed how your eyes were burning even after you have put on your eyeglasses. hahaha that's kind of funny.

    Well, I didn't know you feel that way everytime you see people doing that in the halls. hahah
    but tha last line was really evil. I thought it wasn't that funny anymore. jk....it was kind of brillian.

    I love the title....I thought this would actaully be about you and Andy for once and not about me. I guess this is what I get for complaining not ever being on one of your poems. I have to suffer the consequences.

    FUnny,,,you got me (again).

    Just do me a favor and don't do the stare everytime I don't write more poems about my habbits and the things I do...I think 2 is enough.

    Yes, it's enough I think.
    hahah

    Pretty good write though.

    --Fearless
    | Posted on 2008-04-04 00:00:00 | by Fearless | [ Reply to This ]
       It's interesting to discover Mr. White's shocking observations to be real. There's nothing more awkward, well there might be, but public displays and free tickets to unappealing "mac-fest" shows. I too share in your disgust for this type of behavior. As Lucy stated, the party who observes seems somewhat used to this frequent display...maybe other members in society partake in this as well and the observer has seen their fill?

    I'd like to see a follow up poem to this one as to how this pent up rage towards these many displays of other's affections?

    Good luck tomorrow with Valentine's day tomorrow as well...Hahaha.

    I love you!
    Andy – Olah

    <(^'^,)>
    | Posted on 2008-02-14 00:00:00 | by Olah89 | [ Reply to This ]
      *Gasp!*

    This would be embarrassing. Possibly for all parties involved—however, the part that describes her face as being
    "Cold, hard slab
    That my face had become." makes me believe that this person was somehow immune to scandal and such things—as if they've seen so much already for this to be much of a shock.

    What with the dark hallways and bloodshot eyes... I get a really creepy feeling.

    Did this actually happen? ;-P
    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]



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