Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Apollo's Song


Author: Suven7
ASL Info:    20 female Fla
Elite Ratio:    7.08 - 478 /260 /47
Words: 123
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1038
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 788



Description:




Apollo's Song



In open air, over fields where blooms
Prospered, under skies from which Helios did not
Hide, I heard her singing � Singing for
Me to come outside.
There I beheld her

With cheeks � the arresting hue of Uranus�
Fields at dawn � and eyes, the crest of
Poseidon�s wrath at sea.

In open air, over fields where joy
Married bliss, and I this fair miss,
Under skies where Eros� blessings tide,
She heard me singing �
Singing far and wide,

�You are the note of serenity in Apollo�s
Songs and the Muses� secret melody.
Lady, in my life of song, you are
The one and only sustaining melody."




Submitted on 2008-02-16 13:29:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  This poem shows a ton of poetic ability and I really do like it a great deal ...(one quibble: the use of the name "Uranus" which most pronounce as "your anus" adds a perhaps unwanted note of levity to this fine poem.) bravo.... bravo... bravo....
| Posted on 2008-04-18 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi there. Beautifully done. I like it. The rhythm and the words seem to fall slowly and softly out of a clear azure sky. I can even smell the fragrances of the world you create. The mystical mists of ancient worlds will always fascinate me. Will add to my favs. Keep well. Joachim.
| Posted on 2008-02-16 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
  I really love this one. I like the changes you've made to it as well. Much more succinct and all the more beautiful.
In open air, over fields where joy
Married bliss, and I this fair miss,
These lines carry a really touching voice. I love how freedom is used to portray joy and happiness, and that you represent them as different entities and marriage of them. Several different yet concurrent meanings. "I this far miss" is a really cool use of inversion which actually makes sense :)
Lady, in my life of song, you are
The one and only sustaining melody. Was my other favorite line because i can relate to the meaning of it. In a world of inconsistencies, sometimes the one you love is the only who is consistently there, the only satisfying joy.

"Poseidon’s wrath at sea" I vote coolest allusion :D

Thank you for the lovely poem Suven. Tu sabes a mi y le amo la poema. Gracias.

Te amo,
Andy - Olah
| Posted on 2008-02-16 00:00:00 | by Olah89 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



157659