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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Adriftdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jerilynn
    ASL Info:    59, woman, U.S.A.
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 68/66/20
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 641
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 799



    Description:
       Sometimes we wish we could help others learn from our mistakes. But it seems they'd rather learn from their own.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAdriftdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I watch them
    Drifting by,
    Clinging to their debris
    I shout to them;
    “Over here!”
    I throw out
    The life line,
    But they just wave
    And smile,
    And float on down
    The river.
    They are happily
    Clinging to their junk
    As they head for disaster.
    From where I stand
    I can see
    What lies ahead of them,
    The whirlpool
    Sucking everything
    Into its great maw.
    I see the smiles
    As they freeze,
    Turning into
    Twisted masks of horror
    But by the time they see it,
    It is already to late.
    Yes I can see it,
    And I could help
    But they drift past
    Ignoring my shouts,
    And the lifeline
    Is left floating , empty.




    Submitted on 2008-02-16 21:13:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is just a suggestion, feel free to ignore, okay?

    I think you could split the lines into stanzas, and maybe not start each line with a capital.
    | Posted on 2008-02-18 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      very much awesome, as I read I could picture everything goin on, the imagey in it rocks, and trying trying to save some one to the point of it being to late, a feeling I can relate to and kno all to well
    | Posted on 2008-02-17 00:00:00 | by Mirado | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an amazing write Jerilynn, and it not only is an interesting read, but it gives an important philosophical message! We face this with our kids everyday; having the will and the reserve to face letting them make their own mistakes, and deciding which are serious enough to nag them with some advice!

    Very perceptive!

    | Posted on 2008-02-17 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      this reminds me of a story i read about some people going white water rafting at the grand canyon, a boat had capsized and the people got sucked into the whirpool and only 3 people survived. i liked the images this brought to mind because you could cleary see what you were writing about.
    | Posted on 2008-02-16 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]


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