Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Adriftdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jerilynn
    ASL Info:    59, woman, U.S.A.
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 68/66/20
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 744
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 799



    Description:
       Sometimes we wish we could help others learn from our mistakes. But it seems they'd rather learn from their own.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAdriftdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I watch them
    Drifting by,
    Clinging to their debris
    I shout to them;
    “Over here!”
    I throw out
    The life line,
    But they just wave
    And smile,
    And float on down
    The river.
    They are happily
    Clinging to their junk
    As they head for disaster.
    From where I stand
    I can see
    What lies ahead of them,
    The whirlpool
    Sucking everything
    Into its great maw.
    I see the smiles
    As they freeze,
    Turning into
    Twisted masks of horror
    But by the time they see it,
    It is already to late.
    Yes I can see it,
    And I could help
    But they drift past
    Ignoring my shouts,
    And the lifeline
    Is left floating , empty.




    Submitted on 2008-02-16 21:13:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is just a suggestion, feel free to ignore, okay?

    I think you could split the lines into stanzas, and maybe not start each line with a capital.
    | Posted on 2008-02-18 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      very much awesome, as I read I could picture everything goin on, the imagey in it rocks, and trying trying to save some one to the point of it being to late, a feeling I can relate to and kno all to well
    | Posted on 2008-02-17 00:00:00 | by Mirado | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an amazing write Jerilynn, and it not only is an interesting read, but it gives an important philosophical message! We face this with our kids everyday; having the will and the reserve to face letting them make their own mistakes, and deciding which are serious enough to nag them with some advice!

    Very perceptive!

    | Posted on 2008-02-17 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      this reminds me of a story i read about some people going white water rafting at the grand canyon, a boat had capsized and the people got sucked into the whirpool and only 3 people survived. i liked the images this brought to mind because you could cleary see what you were writing about.
    | Posted on 2008-02-16 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    157671

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Giving written by jjd
    To written by SavedDragon
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    The Promise written by annie0888
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Incubus written by monad
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry