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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: News Flashdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 753
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1210



    Description:
       ~support your local journalist~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNews Flashdots
    -------------------------------------------


    News Flash

    The crusted remnants of a dismembered Snufflagonian were found in a dumpster behind a McDonald’s restaurant in Nebraska last Tuesday. Barton McWhirter, Imperial Ambassador and Supreme Despot of the Known Universe Local 212, expressed dismay, shock and extreme outrage at the “senseless violence” and vowed that “blud shall floe in the streets like the unsavory grunts of fecund harlots!”
    The Ambassador immediately instituted the mass slaughter of all humans known to exist. Unfortunately, no living homo sapiens were found to comment on the ambassador’s actions.

    On a lighter note, baby harp seals wielding clubs and tire irons were seen beating the hell out of Canadian furriers intent on harvesting the little mammals for their soft white coats.
    “Human intestines make lovely patterns in the snow,” one of the exhausted seals was heard to comment.

    And a final story, The Food and Drug Administration reports that, although “people will do some crazy shit for drugs-and I'm talkin’ ‘bout things u wouldn’t ever think sum people would do,” drugs are not “addictable.”

    Film at eleven.
    Checks in the mail.




    Submitted on 2008-02-17 16:46:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      “blud shall floe in the streets like the unsavory grunts of fecund harlots!”

    Hah!

    Good lord... I'm glad I decided against majoring in journalism. (You're either an [censored] or a liar.
    (sometimes both))







    Thanks. Needed smiles.
    Rachel
    | Posted on 2008-06-20 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]
      haha, you dork.

    funny stuff.
    ~
    | Posted on 2008-02-17 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      snort.

    I think the matter of fact 'facts' say it all. My fav though was the 'on a lighter note'... beat those cunuks down you furry little fluffs (no offense to those of the maple persuasion).

    This is funny as hell, I mean I hope you meant it to be that way, cause I laughed after I read it.

    So there ya have it: thoughts and a chuckle.

    | Posted on 2008-02-17 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


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