A Hush in the Garden -------------------------------------------
A green dream
of water. I lull
in the quiet drifting
corners of the mind,
indistinct and vaguely
tender, the drowsing
somnolence of fish
beneath the moonlight.
somnolence- : the quality or state of being drowsy
That's a new word for me, but I really like it. Thanks.
I love what you've done with this. I can see a beautiful scene in my head, something remeniscent of the lagoon in "The Little Mermaid" during "Kiss the Girl" if you've ever seen it.
It struck me as extremely artful the way you used green instead of blue to describe the water. I thought it was very original.
I wouldn't change anything. Kudos.
Keep writing
~Venia
(p.s. Sorry it took so long to comment back. It's been a busy week.)
I only fished once in my life. I can't really say that it's for me but I can see why old people like it a lot. There is a very assured feeling of time passing slowly. It puts you in a hand frozen trance that lets you drift away to a place where you can find yourself. It's a good way to rewind life and find solace with Morpheus or some other god who likes to trip.
But anyway, I like this piece. It has a distinct maturity and takes a great sense of pleasure from hypnotizing others. It also comforts you and assures you that time will go on but you'll be alright.
It's refreshing for something that flows and not pours.
This made me think of me falling asleep while fishing when I was young. I love the tranquillity this portrays, but I am unclear about the meaning, I am not sure I know what you are trying to say. Is this just a dream or are you using the water and fish as a metaphor for something else, emotion maybe.
Nonetheless I liked it and it certainly spiked some emotion.
Submission Name: A Hush in the Garden
