Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: i saw the white treesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 177
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 707
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1229



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsi saw the white treesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    it is the strong of heart
    that knows that there is no right time
    to feel.
    but plenty of wrong times
    to not.

    i saw the white trees
    of the field undisturbed
    & i sunk into them
    wondering what velleity obscured us.
    & i find the answer
    in the lugubrious air around me.

    i am stacked
    in the embers of mystics
    watching myself
    belabor the obscure.
    herons palm at me
    with their cloudy eyes.

    & i want nothing more
    than to defenestrate
    the sentiments in my mind.
    to move on through the night forest
    without the punctilio of the exacting heart.
    but there are so many tunnels in the wood
    & i find colourful noises
    soundtracks to a haunting thought.

    i'm searching for a amenable compromise
    to things i can't describe.
    is there some flavor,
    or some touching remark
    to free one from such uxorious lament?

    there is always a right time to feel
    when everything matters to someone.

    the breath of the night is sleeping
    & i'm tired in it.




    Submitted on 2008-02-19 04:43:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is beautiful poetry. the opening stanza was truely amazing. the only critique i really have is that i didnt really like the repition of obscured and obscure in the second and third stanzas.

    keep it up!
    | Posted on 2008-02-20 00:00:00 | by stasisindarknes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    157804

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wavelength written by saartha
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Linger written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    untitled written by Chelebel
    This written by Chelebel
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Bond written by saartha
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    The Promise written by annie0888
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Incubus written by monad
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    To written by SavedDragon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry