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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Needle Point Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ashik
    Elite Ratio:    4.65 - 50/37/31
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 79
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 362



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Needle Point Lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    In my cage as the sun rises;
    I sit, stare into a nothingness.
    Suffocated by the stillness.
    Standing on the gaff of my younger summer’s mist.

    Dreams of gag roots, peace, and a time of gaiety,
    Keeping in harmony with the stillness.
    Only to break it with a deep outward sigh.
    Then becoming one again.




    Submitted on 2008-02-19 12:37:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very nicely structured little poem. And I don't mean little in a condescending way- I mean little as in- it is short.
    I really enjoy the structure of it and like the first 3 and last 3 lines... I have a problem with the middle 2 lines though...
    Okay- I am all for the word "gaiety", but "gaff"??? You lost me there... Did you mean the Nautical gaff? Or as in to rig or cheat? I don't know, for me; the one word threw me out of the entire poem...
    I'm also not fully aware of the term or thing that is a "gag root"? I tried looking it up so as to derive some meaning from this but alas... -no results.
    If you could explain, that would be super!!!
    It could just be my own ignorance keeping me from fully realizing this submission... But that's okay, I'll admit it.

    *love and light*

    -Ceyx
    | Posted on 2008-04-06 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]



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