Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lord Doubtdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mandolin
    ASL Info:    10/15/89
    Elite Ratio:    5.4 - 131/145/85
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 695
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 975



    Description:
       Human Nature, that is. Longer comments appreciated, the more feedback the more opportunity I have to learn and improve. Thank you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLord Doubtdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Poison of poppies, crowning the skulls of the weary,
    a weight of ages.
    A scepter of browned roses,
    held by gnarled fingers,
    exploring like the salt of the seas, finding the cracks with the sting.
    Little cuts from the pages,
    an infliction of blackened honey;
    too sweet a disease whom suspicion brings
    and yet only spoken of in dreams.
    How ashamed are those who do not voice these things;
    lulled by the flowers: wet, red, deep;
    secrets kept under a cape and crown of a king
    and yet worried sleepless at the seams.
    Hunger comes
    and hunger hurts,
    those ruled and fed on fire and ash of tiresome dirt;
    spinning into the houred catacomb,
    burning as the sand and glass does
    as it pours into the tombs of gilded worth,
    of soured pride;
    of what no brain and guts can hide
    for on its humbled knees, the mind praises doubt as king.




    Submitted on 2008-02-19 13:18:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      (I have to tell you, I wanted--very deeply--to comment on Collage of Bones, but I just couldn't deal with a lot of sad at that moment... I will possibly in the future, but it just seems to be a very... weighted piece (slightly ironically, no?), and I can't deal with that right now.
    ...Anyway, that's just a side note. Just to let you know I enjoyed it, but can't dive into it fully at the moment )

    So this........ Very pretty. Like ugly-pretty. I love paradoxes. They're so fun and confusing, and life isn't worth living without a bit of confusion. This isn't confusing, per se, but it's definitely got that paradoxical aspect. God/human, sin/righteousness, disgusting honey, gnarled fingers against a dead rose... etc.

    worried sleepless at the seams.

    There's a lot of deep, thick imagery in here that really works. It pricks and probes well.

    Hunger comes
    and hunger hurts,


    The meter of these lines really works. I love descending beats. It give this feeling of falling down stairs. And the repetition is sort of two steps down, one step up... Kind of.

    Anyway...... I liked this. It definitely brings out the feelings of betrayal, almost, for people who know the truth, but refuse to acknowledge it, or who hide it... Yep.

    Deep, heavy thoughts. Very dark and slightly angry. It almost reminds me of Hamlet or MacBeth...
    | Posted on 2008-02-19 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    157815

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Incubus written by monad
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Bond written by saartha
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    To written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry