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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lord Doubtdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mandolin
    ASL Info:    10/15/89
    Elite Ratio:    5.4 - 131/145/85
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 675
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 975



    Description:
       Human Nature, that is. Longer comments appreciated, the more feedback the more opportunity I have to learn and improve. Thank you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLord Doubtdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Poison of poppies, crowning the skulls of the weary,
    a weight of ages.
    A scepter of browned roses,
    held by gnarled fingers,
    exploring like the salt of the seas, finding the cracks with the sting.
    Little cuts from the pages,
    an infliction of blackened honey;
    too sweet a disease whom suspicion brings
    and yet only spoken of in dreams.
    How ashamed are those who do not voice these things;
    lulled by the flowers: wet, red, deep;
    secrets kept under a cape and crown of a king
    and yet worried sleepless at the seams.
    Hunger comes
    and hunger hurts,
    those ruled and fed on fire and ash of tiresome dirt;
    spinning into the houred catacomb,
    burning as the sand and glass does
    as it pours into the tombs of gilded worth,
    of soured pride;
    of what no brain and guts can hide
    for on its humbled knees, the mind praises doubt as king.




    Submitted on 2008-02-19 13:18:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      (I have to tell you, I wanted--very deeply--to comment on Collage of Bones, but I just couldn't deal with a lot of sad at that moment... I will possibly in the future, but it just seems to be a very... weighted piece (slightly ironically, no?), and I can't deal with that right now.
    ...Anyway, that's just a side note. Just to let you know I enjoyed it, but can't dive into it fully at the moment )

    So this........ Very pretty. Like ugly-pretty. I love paradoxes. They're so fun and confusing, and life isn't worth living without a bit of confusion. This isn't confusing, per se, but it's definitely got that paradoxical aspect. God/human, sin/righteousness, disgusting honey, gnarled fingers against a dead rose... etc.

    worried sleepless at the seams.

    There's a lot of deep, thick imagery in here that really works. It pricks and probes well.

    Hunger comes
    and hunger hurts,


    The meter of these lines really works. I love descending beats. It give this feeling of falling down stairs. And the repetition is sort of two steps down, one step up... Kind of.

    Anyway...... I liked this. It definitely brings out the feelings of betrayal, almost, for people who know the truth, but refuse to acknowledge it, or who hide it... Yep.

    Deep, heavy thoughts. Very dark and slightly angry. It almost reminds me of Hamlet or MacBeth...
    | Posted on 2008-02-19 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]


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