Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: We are not alonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DAlin
    Elite Ratio:    2.12 - 82/137/75
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 675
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 476



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWe are not alonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lie to me
    Just lie to me,
    Touch my untouched ...harmony.


    Feel me
    Just feel my eyes,
    Feel my skin...in Paradise.


    So much pain
    Too many people,
    No more rain
    Fly with me deeper.


    Reach for those who never won
    Reach for those who braked the dawn,
    Hold the hand that crushed your soul
    Fake in darkness, one last glow.






    Submitted on 2008-02-19 23:01:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I would recommend substituting "braked the dawn" with "broke the dawn". It could make the flow more consistent at the end, unless that would be taking it out of context. Depends entirely on whether or not you are using it as "slowed the dawn" or "broke through the dawn". Just something to consider. Excellent rhyming scheme, though. Fantastically original.
    | Posted on 2008-03-01 00:00:00 | by 2bheard | [ Reply to This ]
      ~*~

    It's ecstatically beautiful.

    The rhyming scheme forms unexpected unity with the pure abstract mesh of emotions. I liked the first and the third stanza most.

    "Fly with me deeper"

    To some extent I can relate to this poem. These lines strike me most and remind me of someone:

    "Hold the hand that crushed your soul
    Fake in darkness, one last glow."

    ~*~

    P

    | Posted on 2008-02-23 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      Simpley awesome. There is not a thing more I can think to say to that.
    | Posted on 2008-02-20 00:00:00 | by dark lover | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    157845

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry