Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Coffee Stains


Author: Kaitylizzy
ASL Info:    20/female/Vermont
Elite Ratio:    8 - 284 /172 /36
Words: 39
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 838
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 272



Description:




Coffee Stains



The coffee Stains

Shit

i should of Cleaned it

but Denial;

it really doesn't Exist

i should of Said sorry for it

Damn

i should of Wiped up

the mess




Submitted on 2008-02-20 21:45:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  It seems this piece speaks of a lot more than coffee stains. I suppose all stains lead to the same string of thoughts and regrets. I'm not exactly sure whether you meant the piece to be in slang. Because if not, all your "of"s should be "have"s. It surprises me that you capitalise seemingly random words, yet refrain from capitalising your "I"s. I suggest you do so.

The piece is a fight of emotions, and I'm sure everyone wishes that all stains were coffee.

Take care,

DeepDreamer2008
| Posted on 2008-02-21 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



157900