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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: love notesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wanderingpoet16
    Elite Ratio:    5.68 - 157/177/55
    Words: 318
    Class/Type: Misc/Happy
    Total Views: 1013
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2005



    Description:
       Grandmother still continues to send a card each week.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslove notesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She buys the ones that cost 2.99
    And leaves the .99 cent ones on the shelf
    The kinds that sing and glitter,
    Shimmer

    And beckon your attention from across the floor.

    Perhaps a subtle metaphor
    Of my worth to her that is perpetually expressed by
    Cursive script on paper

    I would not take the world for my collection
    As with each passing year, her love notes may
    Begin to dwindle in number

    They will dwindle in number, never in love
    She has made it clear that she is always a love note away if troubles emerge

    Even when she has taken up her golden spirit
    And departed from this place
    My crystal memories will remain ever present
    Memories of her pure face and gnarled hands

    I reminisce back to days of endless fascinations
    Days when she would gingerly call to me
    And whisper her recipe secrets from behind a checkered apron
    Days when skies were the deepest shades of blue,
    Endless blue
    And no storm could befall my admiration
    Ultimately, to her

    Bright mornings, dishes, and the strong scent of coffee beans
    Over a white stove in a spotless home
    News is on, but she doesn’t really listen
    When all her many children enter the room

    But the days of my childhood have vanished
    And she continues to gain years
    As we all do

    And she is still dwelling among us
    Sending her love notes each week as I grow and grow
    She is the author of many of my accounts
    And the illustrator of my growing affections

    Her love notes gather on my desk and overflow onto the floor
    I will not dust around them, I will not store them away
    They cannot even fit into envelopes
    As love notes sometimes arrive

    The love inscribed inside
    Could simply never be contained




    Submitted on 2008-02-21 01:02:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the simplicity in this piece. You describe one simple act of one simlple person, and explain that it means more than the world. That is the true extent of emotion. I also admire that you've catagorised this piece correctly, while some writers might consider this poetry, I understand that it is not. It is more. You've got a great introduction and your imagery throughout is fitting.

    Now enough with the compliments, I'm going to go into nitpicks. I think you should put a comma after "Shimmer" and join "And beckon your..." with the first stanza. I'd also advise you to put a full-stop after every stanza. I think you should say "if troubles ever emerge" and move "if" to the next line. There isn't really any need for "Endless blue" because the line before is emphasis enough in my opinion.

    I enjoyed this piece, and could picture your grandmother and her notes crystal clear. May her letters never stop arriving.

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2008-02-21 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


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    157905

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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