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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Primerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 707
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 391



    Description:
       ~nothing, really~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPrimerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Primer

    You canít be small
    And quiet in this place
    Or youíll disappear

    Each phrase
    You speak must
    Be chosen carefully
    Ferocious and unique

    Most of my thoughts
    Are tourists looking
    For a connecting flight

    Always aimed
    Somewhere else
    And I am
    Ambient noise




    Submitted on 2008-02-21 22:41:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It always seems with you Bill you write more riddles than poems, like you would be devastated if your poems could be comprehended by the lazy.

    I can't help but feel, whilst I loved the 1st and 3rd section of the poem I've missed the bigger picture. As usual, my failing, not yours.

    | Posted on 2008-04-06 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      ...primer.

    it is self deprecatory in a way and i know why.

    it is a dichotomy that we seek time and space to be at one with ourselves yet when we are, there is concern that the world is roaring by...

    ...quietude, which some men cannot abide because it reveals their inward poverty, is as a palace of cedar to the wise, for along its hallowed courts the king in his beauty deigns to walk.

    yes, there is merit in keeping ferocious and unique for high days and holidays.

    take it easy b,

    k
    | Posted on 2008-03-05 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      i wouldn't mind being ambient noise myself...

    for all my casandric ravings i might as well be it.

    i tell my own squeaky wheels to get chattering, for all the good it'll do them,

    well, you never do know, until you give it a shot.

    | Posted on 2008-03-04 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      All of us know what this like, so like Alia, it makes me sad in a way. And yet it's so profound. What we do just isn't for everyone. The analogy of being a tourist and searching for a connecting flight is truly rich. Perfect!

    If I weren't in the very same boat, I would have missed the ride.
    Primer, its a good title, but after that coat, the real paint goes on, right?

    *waves goodbye*

    Nan
    | Posted on 2008-03-04 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I like structure, the mixture of quartrains and tercets. It seems to make the small voice smaller like the tercets are disappearing.

    And I love this image.

    Most of my thoughts
    Are tourists looking
    For a connecting flight
    | Posted on 2008-02-22 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      I can imagine this being read under dim lights with candles everywhere... well... either that or you could just have it in the middle of the street where a lot of people will think you're crazy but you wouldn't care... not as long as you've got a few of us stopping, getting pulled out of our coffee cups, our mobile phones, our bikes, our bus tickets, our PSPs and our - would you believe? - cigarettes.

    We'll be there until they have us all arrested. And we can continue it in jail.

    It's always a pleasure to read from you.
    | Posted on 2008-02-22 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      thoughts; i dig the way "primer" works here. as in it could be a grade school text for teaching or an explosion waiting to happen. at least i can make it work both ways, don't know if any sort of double meaning was intended or not but i like it.
    something else i came to appreciate rather quickly (second time through out loud) is the break between S2 and S3. first time through i thought 'hmmm... feels a bit disconnected...'
    and then i thought 'hey wait a sec look at how that plays on what S3 is all about. what with the connecting flights landing and leaving again.' well done.
    what i like most is the truth in there.
    thanks.
    | Posted on 2008-02-21 00:00:00 | by eno1 | [ Reply to This ]


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