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    dots Submission Name: "A/S/L" by Jamii Nesbittdots

    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 704
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 825
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3840

       1st page and a half of my new novel, what do ya think?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"A/S/L" by Jamii Nesbittdots

    Amanda walked alone through the chipper fall winds of the wholesome town, Chariot Falls. Amanda's trench coat flapped back and forth with each step. With her scarf flung carelessly around her neck, arms crossed and a face of pure disappointment Amanda continued on her way home, away from rejection she faced at the restaurant. She thought back to about an hour and a half before now waiting patiently, anxiously at a table in a restaurant for her date. She recalled being at her computer just before then verifying a date at a Chariots Cavern restaurant.

    She distinctly remembered running to her roommate excitedly, twirling about like a teenage girl who'd found an amazing date to the prom. Unfortunately, there was no date. For over an hour she waited on him. She waited on him so long thinking her date would be there any minute..with every minute that went by. She grew more and more worrisome and disappointed, but still had a slight reservation of hope.

    As Amanda walked the streets she turned a corner, coming up to her apartment. Amanda dropped her keys on the end table, routinely as she usually did when she entered her home but this time instead of a careless toss the keys lifelessly fell out of her hand. Turning on the light she noticed her roommate Kelly, adjusting to the interruption of light and addition the room. Kelly spent a good 10 seconds yawning as Amanda put away her coat and scarf.

    “You’ve been gone for a while," Kelly let out a final yawn, " that good huh?” Kelly couldn't wait to hear about Amanda's great date.“No. It was not good. I waited. He didn’t show. Again. It happened again”. Amanda plopped down on the couch next to Kelly resting her head on her shoulder. “Maybe its that restaurant. You insist on all your first dates being there..maybe its bad luck…..I’m sorry, let’s hope this one has a good excuse for not showing”

    Amanda got a message incoming on her computer. It was him."Oh my God, It's him. Message: My wife found out about us… sorry about tonight. Amanda, shocked stood up only to lay down her head upon Kelly’s lap. “Married?", Amanda couldn't believe he lied to her." Why am I so good at picking out the losers?

    “You and about a half of billion other women, takes talent”

    “I give up. No more. No matter what, I can’t seem to find someone worth--I cant even find somebody I want to--" Amanda sat up. "I can’t even find the words to complete what I want to say"

    “Just keep at it Mandy, Your guy is out there and he’s missing you, he just doesn’t know it’s YOU he’s missing.” Kelly used this line before on Amanda and hoped it would dissolve her mild heartache.

    “No, there’s no guy, no one, no Mr. right or Mr Maybe. There’s Mr. not-- and there are like-- a billion of those out there and they all seem to have my name, Amanda Leigh Porter, on their –too-good-at-standing-me-up foreheads. Sooner or later being stood up is going to turn into a hobby…What are you up to for the day, Mandy? Oh, just being stood up as always.I don’t understand"

    Amanda turned to Kelly. "But I am so over it." Amanda stormed to her bedroom. "I’m over it...so, so over it. Even after Amanda closed the door , They still carried a conversation from separate rooms.



    “We need to have that talk”

    “Oh, no. I'm busy.I’m getting over it”

    “You’re coming here right now, missy” Amanda re-entered living room.

    "Are we really going do this, it’s getting late."


    Submitted on 2008-02-22 09:08:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i liked your story it is catching... but this section is awkard to read. a little redundent and therfore hard to follow.

    Amanda dropped her keys on the end table, routinely as she usually did when she entered her home but this time instead of a careless toss the keys lifelessly fell out of her hand.

    maybe try; "amanda drapped her keys lifelessly, just letting them fall out of her hand."
    | Posted on 2008-02-22 00:00:00 | by ashik | [ Reply to This ]

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