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    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: List of Fearsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: UnderlinedInRed
    ASL Info:    16/f/Beijing
    Elite Ratio:    4.16 - 177/240/109
    Words: 221
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 74
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1711



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsList of Fearsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am afraid.
    Of darkness.
    That people,
    Will come,
    And watch me
    While I sleep.
    I am afraid
    Someone will
    Touch me
    A slimy
    old
    creep.

    I am afraid
    Of close spaces
    Of the suffocation
    Lack of air
    I am afraid
    I will be
    Trapped.
    And no one
    Will care.

    I am afriad
    Of being alone
    With no friend
    Around.
    I am afraid
    There will be
    No one
    To talk to.
    No one
    To be
    Found.

    I am afraid
    Of proximity
    Of being
    Too close.
    I am afraid
    Of being
    Touched.
    Forced.

    I am afraid
    Of telling lies
    For people
    to see through
    I am afraid
    To be reminded
    of what
    nobody
    knew.

    I am afraid
    of heartache
    of everlasting
    regret.
    I am afraid
    Of sacrifice
    Letting failures
    Set.

    I am afraid
    of friendship
    Too near
    or too far.
    To be reminded
    everyday
    of who
    and what
    we are.

    I am afraid
    I will never forget
    The mistakes
    The failures
    The pain
    I have
    created.
    I am afraid
    to be struck down
    from the love
    I was
    fated.

    I am afraid
    I won't deserve
    Anything I observe
    Friendship, companionship, laughter.
    I am afraid
    Of not having my,
    Happily ever after.

    Of being afraid forever.




    Submitted on 2008-02-23 09:07:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey. In the second to last stanza, "striked" should be 'struck'.
    "I am afraid
    to be struck down
    from the love
    I was
    fated."
    Just nit-picking. Slap me anytime. You know where I am.

    Other than that, nothing else distracted my attention. I thought the rest was alright though. If you haven't already, you will discover that most of the things on your list are nothing to fret about. Especially the "no one will care" part. As for the rest, I can only give you this advice. "Always believe in yourself. Do this, and no matter where you are, you will have nothing to fear."

    The Bird
    | Posted on 2008-03-01 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]
      you could prolly be thinking a little more about punctuation in ths piece... it doesnt command the attention and tension it deserves from me because there doesnt seem to be any pauses or endings except for stanza breaks. employ some commas throughout...

    what interested me most of all in this piece was the fact that youre scared of being alone and yet youre scared of being too close too.
    i can understand that on some levels and yet in other ways i think its how we shoot ourselves in the foot when it comes to relationships because we allow our fears to push people way...

    dont let your fears rule you. fear is a good thing because it can force us into situations that we think are beyond us and once we conqueor them we wonder what it was we were on about the whole time...
    | Posted on 2008-02-23 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed the structure you've created in this piece. It really works with the idea of the title that you have. It looks like a list although it's a sentence but at the same time i can actually see this list of fears and i can really say that it's a llist that everyone can fear of.

    I think you coulda bring a little bit of hope in this piece saying that overcoming fear is better than letter fear keep your from achieving what you want but the way you wrote it is a great ending too.

    I also loved the repetition of "I am afraid". It is really reinforced great in this piece. It doesn't feel forced. It feels like it came out of your thoughts naturally and without any difficulty.

    All i can say about this piece is that it's creative, easy to read, has a purpose from beginning to end and is great to read.

    I enjoyed this. nicely done.

    Have a great day.

    Irina
    | Posted on 2008-02-23 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the way your poem is layed out, and the rhyming helps the shortness of the lines.the problem with writing poems with only 2 or 3 words in a sentence is the line breaks, but i couldn,t see any faults in yours.i think it,s well done.
    thanks for sharing
    | Posted on 2008-02-23 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]



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