[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: "A Young Girl With Old Eyes"dots

    Author: Ron Cole
    Elite Ratio:    3.95 - 2383/1715/240
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 998
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 699

       A Hooch is the name American Soldiers gave to the humble grass huts of the Vietnamese Farmers and Peasants during the Vietnam War.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"A Young Girl With Old Eyes"dots

    The only living thing
    at a Hooch under threatening skies,
    and smoking, stinking ruins,
    was a young girl
    with old eyes.

    There were no tears or frowns;
    just a vacant stare!
    There was not the slightest notice
    of our soldiers arriving there.

    It was a scene that made men curse
    at the very thought of war;
    when the enemy slaughtered innocents,
    it made a scene the soldiers abhorred!

    A soldier knelt beside her
    with trembling chin, about to cry,
    and received a vacant stare,
    from the young girl with old

    Ron Cole
    February 2008

    Submitted on 2008-02-24 15:56:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
       A sad truth of war Ron, you pictured the cost to those who had lost so much in any war.
    I saw a picture of a child who seemed so lost in the aftermath of Hiroshima.
    As terrible as the loss of life to those two bombs, they did prevent further loss that an allied invasion of Japan would have cost.
    Our soldiers paid a horrible toll because the Japanese mind could not accept defeat, unless the battle was faught to the last man. Every island was taken back with a great loss of life on both sides.
    I'm sure there were many little girls with old eyes, they had seen the ravages of war and been unable to see past the horror to any kind of future.
    This poem should be included in our schools history books.
    | Posted on 2011-05-19 00:00:00 | by DUSTYTU | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the depth behind this seeminly simple poem. Some things aren't meant to be seen.

    I really can't think of anything to suggest.

    One question, though. What is a Hooch?
    | Posted on 2008-05-09 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
      I've never read a poem like this. Usually peoms about war and all that are about bigger things, which can sometimes be the smallest. This is the opposite. A young girl with old eyes seems small, but it shows a bigger purpose. Wonderful peice.
    | Posted on 2008-03-11 00:00:00 | by Jessica Lynn | [ Reply to This ]

    I'm not sure what to say here that that hasn't been said. This was so grabbing and visual in it's imagry that the scene was pretty clear.
    The only thing that may throw people off is not knowing what a Hooch is. I think you could leave out that phrase and still have the same impact, maybe even stronger, since Hooch does not bring an instant image to me and I had to fight arount it.

    The only thing
    under threatening skies
    and smoking, stinking ruins,
    was a young girl
    with old eyes

    I think this is a little more direct to open with and if you really want that in there move it to the end of the poem somewhere.

    This is a small pick because your reader quickly gets past the glitch and sees the scene of distruction and horror, and a little girl just standing amidst the debris in shock and sadness.

    | Posted on 2008-03-07 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]

    Very strong and emotional write. You give it out and make the reader see it through the eyes of the soldiers, as well as the old eyes of the young girl.

    You really did a great job of hitting on a tough subject and getting straight to the heart of it quickly and to the point.
    Too many are too desensitized to the tragedies in life...too many have vacant stares.

    Well written my friend (as always) ;)
    | Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ouch. This should be made compulsory reading for all the warmongers out there!!!

    I think you've captured the cruelty of war very well.
    | Posted on 2008-02-27 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so sad :(

    when i first read through it, it seemed to me at the end that the little girl was dead or was the soilder simply crying at the fact of what the girl had to live in? or maybe both?
    | Posted on 2008-02-25 00:00:00 | by andnow | [ Reply to This ]
      Its a shame what being a witness to tragic things can do to a young person,,,
    nice poem Ron, well captured moment..
    | Posted on 2008-02-24 00:00:00 | by forfila | [ Reply to This ]
      War does that to children...makes them old before their time. It does the same to soldiers, and I could not help but see both through your words. Excellent poem, Ron. Sharon
    | Posted on 2008-02-24 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      Poignant Ron, and very thought provoking. Again your ability to strike at the heart of the matter shines through.

    Very well done my friend.

    | Posted on 2008-02-24 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]